By Cortney Starr


If you've read my BarFly stuff in the past and were sober enough to remember it, you might recall that I'm am advocate for discretion. Gossiping is a vicious cycle, pimping yourself on Fox-TV is ridiculous and telling me your life story at a bar is a good way to get a drink thrown in your face.

Continuing in this vein, I will say this: Blogs can be fun. However, blogs are like blow; fun occasionally, but addictive, often misused and sometimes the catalyst for terrible results.

First rule of blogging: Most of the time, no one wants to hear it. Nobody gives a rat's ass about your political beliefs or how seeing Janet Jackson's tit on TV is a sign of the impending apocalypse. Republicans and Democrats are equally annoying, and Greens just shouldn't have computers. Save the pseudo-intellectual masturbation for the water cooler, or get a job writing for the Times.

But those who repeat and reinterpret the news have nothing on those who feel the need to record every moment of their lives in painstaking detail. Don't you have anything better to do then write about your bus ride, the cute thing your cat did, or how much you hate your boss?

And if you must do these things, please, for the love of all that is holy and good, use your spellchecker. We don't want to read something that looks like it was keyed in by a 12-year-old on crystal meth.

And another thing: Don't just bitch and whine. If you're able to afford a computer, you're probably better off then 90 percent of the people in the world. Besides, it's really, really boring.

On the flip side, reading about someone whose life is one big nonstop party, replete with an endless supply of lovers, booze and parties, can make you want to smack some reality into them — preferably with a croquet mallet. And don't get me started on name-droppers who manage to be friends with everyone and never actually do anything interesting themselves.

Many blogs now offer "friends lists,"where you and your cyber-buddies can read and comment on each other's journals. Boy, what a tangled web these weave. Think the scene is already incestuous and gossipy? Now you can spread rumors and shit-talk at the speed of light.

I've written entries in my livejournal (because I'm nothing if not a hypocrite) where all the names and crucial details have been changed, and people still figure it out. Drama erupts over the slightest misunderstanding, and people say things in cyberspace that they would never dare to say in real life.

If you must blog, you could always follow the example of a friend of mine: Just make shit up. See how many people will buy your stories of alien abduction or if anyone answers your query about the best stores to steal from. If nothing else, it's more entertaining then reading about your trip to the mall.