BarFly's Yahoo Group board is now long abandoned, but for a brief, shining moment, it was the scene of many a hiliariously funny post, most of which were Roland's responses to the relentless spambots who peppered our poor board with postings from "Jamey", "Ami", and "Cassie". Here's a taste - you can read the full, unexpurgated, originals on the BarFlyMag Yahoo board.

Re: Any Cute Guys Wanna Talk? (Pics)

> Hey guys! Just wanted to see if any cute guys
> out there are interested in chatting with me? [- “Jamey”]

Hi Jamey, and yes, if I can suspend the usual modesty for a moment, I am indeed the kind of guy I would call "cute." In fact I am "totally fucking hot" and I have "a big dick." Hope that's okay. I'd love to chat sometime, maybe have dinner, drinks, go to a show, and maybe go to like first base or so. Or, if I'm kind of drunk, I might lick your pussy until your vaginal muscles are sore from spasming. If that works out okay, eventually maybe we'll get married.

> I am a bit bored, so if you've got nothing better
> to do head over to my site and drop me a line:

Hey listen Jamey, I think you meant to include a comma after the word "do." But anyway, I'm sorry to hear all this, because my momma always used to say that if you're bored, it's because you're boring. Plus, I'm really busy right now anyway. The holidays and all. Maybe we'd better call the whole thing off. But hey, thanks for writing.

luv,
rol

Re: Check Out My New Webcam Pics!

> Finally got the thing online and running, took a bit of effort
> but at least it is working well now. My last cam didn't have
> sound or proper video, but this one has everything. Check out
> the quality of my pics and let me know what you think: [- “Cassie”]

Cassie, hi! Jeez, I'm glad to hear the good news about that pesky ol' doggone ol' pesky ol' webcam. What a relief! Technology, huh? Wow. It metes out equal parts punishment and convenience, you mark my words, whether it's a computer or a webcam or only a dildo.

Oh, I checked out the quality of your pics all right. The hue and resolution are excellent, and the frame composition is almost professional-quality. Though you might want to bump up the frame rate a touch. Also, some ugly-ass skank seems to keep getting in the frame. Is that a friend of yours?

Anyway, thanks for writing. I stare now across the foggy hilltops of cold grey indifference, recalling the warm sun setting thereupon, and thinking fondly of you...

Re: Got a Brand New Webcam, What Do You Think?

> Hey guys, finally got my new webcam ordered in, and want to know what you guys
> think of my pic. I joined this new Webcam dating site (so I could talk to guys
> over my Webcam), and I uploaded my pic over here: http://search.dateu.to. My
> profile is the one at the very top of the search page. Send me a message over
> there if you're interested in chatting or just want to catch me on Cam:
> http://search.dateu.to [- “Ami”]

Hey Ami, did you know your name is French for "friend"? And you truly are my friend, so haha, no pun intended eh, n'est-ce pas Ami? You fucking cunt, I just love your sassy ways! Listen, I wanted you to know that it's very nice of you to inform me about the various little things in your life. Your patience in "ordering in" that webcam, just getting that fucker ordered right the fuck in, will doubtless pay off in spades now. They all say that's the hardest part, getting it ordered in. You can buy it, you can set it up, you can shove it up your ass, but by god, if you can order that motherfucker in, then you can consider yourself a master. Anyway, I feel so useful when you ask my opinion about your pic. Your pic means the world to me. Your pic is such a pic I could totally pic my nose with it. So it pains me all the more, to have to tell you this -- but our friendship demands nothing less than total honesty -- so: Your pic is suck. It is a bullshit thank you. What's the hell going on here, you think you can make pic? You sucky-sucky. luv yur pal Rol

P.S. Internet not real, no talk to guys on internet.