The One Truth
OK, so here's what I see....I am from Chicago and know good shit when I see it. Compared to places like Excalibur and the like, this place sucks, but as a good as the Crazy Haired Woman is with that great attitude and sexy ass way about her, she could never be some white lipped mistress. Maybe all you naysayers should take a look at that seductive blonde highlighted bartender has to offer, she is about the most attentive woman I've been served by since I've been here....yeah ur smoke is good, maybe thats why you are all illiterate tippers. In the real world you tip would at least be 20%, idiots... In my 4 weeks in the city of KIND I have seen no more than a 10% tip from you dumb asses... Take it into consideration, "Live like your broke - BE BROKE - Live like your a King/Queeen - BE IT.

-NOTE-
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOURSELF!!!!

No Food
We were there last night and ordered food.....they were out of food. Nuff said.

it's history
I agree with another post about it being cool in the mid 90's. The Grand had a place in my heart as the first place I'd ever done karoake. I remember the "testical and tentacle" festival and other cool special buffets they did. The only draw back then was the service sucked and Frank berated the wait staff in front of customers.
I was there recently and I'd happily take back the bad service and Franks temper!
The airbrained cupie dolls running karoake should be shot! Go back to "do you want fries with that" if you're not even smart enough to run karaoke! I was told a disc couldn't be found then 2 songs later it magically appeared when one of her friends wanted to sing it.
The song selection sucks, their system sucks even more.
As if that isn't bad enough!! While you're waiting to sing, this useless ho of a dj plays 5 songs of crappy dance music!!
Avoid this place like the plague it is!!

ps. the waitresses and bartenders were great.

hahahahaha....
I'm so old I remember when this place was actually cool.They used to have the hottest bar staff in town.Of course that was 1994,and even Green Day was considered cool then.Maybe Frank should start growin pot in the attic again to make up for the loss of business.All good thing must eventually die..RIP Grand Cafe.

This Club is Dead
I have been there a few times over the past couple of years. It has been consistently getting worse and worse. The owner is a real problem. The staff should fire him. The rude disrespectful behavior and the way the staff takes it only lowers my respect for them. The food is only barely tollerable. The basement salsa scene is OK but the place is a dive. It's an OK to take a large group of Karaoke friends, but heaven forbid you slow up your drinking, that's when they don't need you anymore.

It's too bad, this place could be a hot hangout but it's not.

Unfair complaints
Only ultra-negative people tend to write, which explains these reviews. Yes, Grand Cafe is not perfect but I go there all the time and the bartenders are always very nice and professional even though they are young and beautiful. Sure the owner can show a temper, but I know a lot of club owners who are the same and it just comes with the stress of running a club or bar, and he is always polite to customers. I sing songs with swear words, like Get Low where I say motherfucker, pussy, goddamn, ass, etc and never get stopped (it is Ambassadar and Galaxy where you cannot use swear words). As to $1, what kind of a cheapo are you? You should be tipping $1 per song at Karaoke bars, and here you get a $1 Grand Cafe coin back (you can use it for food if you don't drink). I am a man and I dance all the time, and pretty wild, and never have any problems with customers - the only comments I get are from one of the bartenders who fancies herself a dance expert but is actually about five years behind the current dance styles (I learn my dance in Southern Cal and she obviously never gets out of Portland), but she is not mean about it.

Grand Cafe is a great low key place to sing a few songs and drink a few drinks, with no lines, usually no cover, and its own free parking lot. If I am clubbing and cannot find parking downtown, I usually just head over to Grand Cafe and usually have a good time.

What a hole
Been here 4 or 5 times because my dumbass friends keep falling for the "fee birthday party" crap. Judging from the signage that adorns the downstairs, you get the feeling (much like you do when checking out the memorabilia at the Virginia Cafe)that this place must have had some good times many moons ago, but it is obvious that the time has passed. Drinks are weak and expensive (the 'pistol-grip' automatic measuring alcohol dispensers are always a dead giveaway), the almost constant harassment about signing up for their birthday parties gives the place an even sleazier feeling than the run down decor does, and the bartenders are the worst I have ever experienced. On top of all that, on my most recent trip I had to pay a cover (albeit only $3) for all of this UN-AIRCONDITIONED goodness on a 90 degree day. I will say that the waitress serving the back booth area actually seemed to be interested in doing her job, but she seemed new. I hope she finds a job somewhere else before the crappiness of this joint rubs off on her.

service from ex-strippers? why??
I don't even know where to start with this dump. I've only been there once and I will never ever do it again. The drinks taste like ass and the girls (staff) are either retarded or fucked up on meth. The karaoke sound system sucks donkey cock! The one night I was there the cocktail waitress (little hipster bitch) was over charging for drinks and pocketing the difference!!!! 7 coors lights = $35.... I don't think so! And waiting forever to get another drink while she and one of the bartenders went in the back to do lines of coke! A powdery-snotty white nose is not hot. If I ever see her fucking punk ass again I'm gonna put a Louisville Slugger right through her fucking skull and knock her paycheck outta her nose!

*Note to you fucking thiefs: once a stripper always a stripper....sorry. Girls, learn how to hide your fucking drug habits. Don't flaunt it to the world.

retard fucks
I went the first night they were trying 80's night - shit buffet- the waitresses were pressured by the a hold boss in to getting us to buy lots of stuff, adn a buch of smoking asssholes wanted to beat me up for being a dancing male

Creepiest people EVER
A long time ago, when i was very, very, young, I worked in this psychological thriller of a bar. From the bipolar-paranoid-schitzophrenic-abusive-delusions of the coked-out "head cook" to the gang of inexperienced-barely-21-naive-as-hell girls behind the bar, this was the experience of a lifetime. I'm amazed the place is still in business.

Grand Cafe
is the best place in Portland to have sex in the bathroom on your birthday.

oh i do
the only reason i would go to the grand is to get smashed-the drinks are sick (as in not good) they are so bad you have to gulp it in one drink so you can't taste it.and if you decide to sing make sure you don't say fucker, shit, bitchface, you get the idea. the stupid guy will turn your mic off and you'll have to throw it at his face for him to feel bad about it.

so don't say bad words! fucker.

Grand Avenue Karaoke
This place really starts to pick up late night, so if you're a little shy about singing in front of strangers, go early. You'll have the stage to yourself. My only complaint is that you have to pay $1 per song. Sure, they give swap you for coins worth $1 off your next drink, but I don't go to get smashed.