BarFly's Guide to St. Patrick's Day in Portland
St. Paddy's Day is one of those days where suddenly the Korean guy next door claims to have a little Irish in him. If you aren't riding BarFly's St. Patrick's Day Bus, then you are reading this because you want to know where to drink on St. Patrick's day. And no matter how original you think you are, there are countless others out there striving for an authentic experience, which translates to jam packed and full of jackasses. Is the green beer really worth it when you have stand in line hootin' and hollerin' yahoos for an hour to get a drink, then in line for another our with the same yokels when you need to piss?
You don't need to go to a clusterfucked Irish bar when there are countless bars that have a very, very indirect association with Ireland. And the selection below is quite viable.
The Standard
There are two reason to go to the Standard rather than some over priced over crowded Irish joke.- There is smoke
And lot's of it. This isn't some spit shined "Irish" pub filled to the brim with a bunch of terrible people who smell like a nice mix of CK1 and puked up Irish Car Bombs, who, ironically, are so offended by smoke that they ruined it for the rest of us. - There is smoke
St. Patrick's day is of those days that makes us want to smoke. Not because we suddenly think we are Irish, but because everyone else does.
Cheers Northwest
Maybe swing out of your way to Cheers Northwest. Yup, that little dive will treat you right. Points to consider - it is named "Cheers", like the television show, which was based in Boston, which is steeped in Irish Heritage.
Someday Lounge
Should you be in downtown, you should go to the the Someday Lounge because - Oh wait, no. You shouldn't.
La Merde
You can also head to southeast and pay a visit to La Merde. La Merde/Montage Manager Rebecca gleefully reported that La Merde was doing NOTHING on St. Paddy's day, which means you could probably go there and drink a ton and if you are really nice, get the bartender to put green food coloring in your beer. You can revel in the fact that Trivia Jock Shanrock (She is made of Irish) does a trivia night there on Thursdays and her logo has shamrocks on it and her name kind of sounds like Shamrock and this sentence is too long.
The Slammer
The Slammer. Considering the personality traits of redhead firecracker Lizzie, this little southeast dive is guaranteed to be way more full of friendly good natured authentic charm than 1000 frat dudes with green glow sticks and stupid shirts. Did we mention the redhead? Redheaded just like in IRELAND!
Renner's
We aren't sure what is going on in Multnomah Village. Seriously, I hardly acknowledge it's existence, with the exception of Renner's. You can bet it will be a raucous evening and if Marshall's patented antics are on...then it can be something. They have Jello shots, which are sometimes green, which is the color you are supposed to love on El Dia De San Patrick.
Florida Room
If you're going the opposite direction to NoPo, The Florida Room. Not only is Florida is the wang of America but it also has green swamps and green alligators, something that the Florida Room does not, so it is definitely worth a visit for it's googie radness.