I do, however, hereby vow from this point forward that I’ll be posting regularly, since doing so was certainly my intent way back when I started this stupid blog. And let’s face it, as anyone who’s ever had a sad and shallow allegiance to following mainstream sports can surely attest, there’s really nothing better than being (f)unemployed. And knowing as I do that I’ve got a good amount of local company in my current, um, “line of work” (over 12% last I'd heard) I’d like to take this opportunity to take you all through what amounts to a typical day in the life of a single, broke, and unemployed sports fan…

8:15: Roll out of bed just in time to see my trusted housemate off on his way to work. I usually try to let him get out the door before making my way downstairs, as actually seeing him all dressed up, responsible looking, and headed out to earn gobs of money sort of makes me pity him.

8:30: I usually try to have the coffee pot going in time to catch the 2^nd in back-to-back episodes of Saved by the Bell that air on TBS from 8-9. It’s not quite so important right now, as we’re mired in a rather annoying stretch of the Bayside crew’s exploits (senior year and Zach actually appears to be in his mid-late 30’s real life, while Jessie’s surely already begun filming Showgirls. And speaking of SBTB, all this newfound free time has afforded me the opportunity to do a little investigative research…. and so ya know that rumor I’ve been spreading for the past ten years or so that Screech, A.K.A. Dustin Diamond, is brother to legendary Beastie Boy Mike D, A.K.A. Mike Diamond? Turns out it’s completely untrue! My apologies if you’re among those I’d infected with that rumor, as I was spreading it like the goddamn swine flu there for a while. If/whenever called on my BS by someone more knowledgeable than myself, I’d get totally defensive and claim to have known someone who met one of them or something, which I genuinely thought I did. Whoops. On the other hand, the claim that Screech once performed a real-life “Cleveland Steamer” on a widely viewed Hollywood sex-tape was authoritatively confirmed by no less an authority than the great Howard Stern. OK – sorry for that tanget and now back to my day…)

9:00: Usually flip over to ESPN at this point to see if anything has transpired in the sports world since I'd went to bed. Unfortunately, this sometimes involves watching one of those insufferable screaming head programs (“Cold Pizza” or “First Take” or whatever the hell they're calling them these days) that air way too early & too loud for someone nursing a hangover.

9:30: Thank whatever heathenistic deity it is I’m currently praying to that I’ve got a dog who forces my ass out of the house on walks semi-regularly.

11:00: Bob Barker’s recent retirement has rendered Price is Right mostly unwatchable these days, though I can still get fired up for the showcase showdown and/or Plinko and usually check in on NPR's “Talk of the Nation”, especially on good ol' Science Friday. And the Wednesday afternoon Political Junkie generally makes for a worthwhile listen as well. Depending on how much coffee happened up till now I can also usually incorporate either a nap or great big dump into the mix here.

1:00: There’s a whole great big and giganticormous internet out there that just never-endingly beckons me, and I think I’ve probably read 60-70% of it to date. I’ll usually do Geoff Baker’s Mariners blog and scroll through the comments section to see if anyone needs to be told how dumb they are for claiming Brandon Morrow was ready for a slot in the rotation or that the Adrian Beltre signing was a smart move. I’ll also check the great Joe Posnanski, as well as the most bestest site covering the spectacularist hockey team on the planet, Pensblog. Oh yeah -- this is probably also an opportune time to job hunt, for those inclined to do so (although there's also pictures of scantily clad women available on the internet -- IF you know where to find them...)

3:00: More screaming heads on the TV at ESPN, though Wilbon, Reali, Mariotti (and everyone else at PTI/Around the Horn) seem to be infinitely more listenable than those morning people are. Or perhaps it has to do with this being, for me personally, a generally acceptable time of day to crack the first beer of the afternoon that makes them seem tolerable.

4:00: Usually polish off the remainder of the previous evening’s uneaten potato chips and call this sort of an unemployed person's “dinner.”

4:30-10:00: Here again we find ourselves at the mercy of the day of the week and whatever cable provider or sports viewing venue you’re at the mercy of (we're subscribers to the great monopoly that is Comcast, for better or worse. Someday I'm gonna meet me some nice woman that has a satellite package and that Tivo thingy, and I'm going to fall in love.) So there may be some east coast baseball games coming on early by this time, thus setting up an evening's worth of “excitement.” Or I may simply take the chance to head on over to the corner store to stock up on potato chips (and beer, of course) in anticipation of a primetime M's game. Or, being as I am a dorktacular off-road cycling enthusiast and advocate, I'll occasionally head on out to Hood River for a nice, quiet mountain bike ride, thus getting the dog some additional exercise and providing myself some justification for killing off the better part of a 12-pack during the late-night re-broadcast of the M's game. Love those FSN re-broadcasts and they'll edit out all the boring crap too, which only adds to the enjoyment. I'll usually cap the evening off flipping back & forth between the Daily Show & Sportscenter and polishing off whatever beers happen to be lingering.

So there it is folks – A day in the life. That is a “typical” day and once basketball season rolls back around we have to drastically alter the routine. And please also keep in mind that today, Wednesday, June 24^th is anything but typical. Owing to a spectacular series of events from Sunday afternoon, the great American Futbol team has drawn themselves a date with destiny. So the schedule is amiss and I'd urge you all to get all fired the fuck up and watch us put a good ol' American ass whoopin' on the top-ranked Spanish team. Starting at 11:45 on ESPN. Game is also being re-broadcast at 8 for those of you wussbags afraid to get drunk at lunchtime (or worse, those of you with actual jobs.)