They say justice is blind, but my senses sure were when I stumbled into
the Doug Fir. I was out with a group of Japanese business men who
seemed to surround me as if I were some kind of celebrity. I was
seriously surrounded by flashing 5 megapixel Sonys as we entered the
newly remodeled motel / bar. I remember passing this place during the
day and it looked quite unassuming, but at night the lights kick in and
really give this place a NY /LALA feel. Even the servers come bright
eyed and powdered up to serve you. You could say everyone in there was
allergic to something as they kept quickly sniffing in air and thumbing
their noses. Now that I think about it, they seemed paranoid as the
group of us came in and demanded White Russian Royales.

I was eager to please these men as they were ready to sign a huge contract. One of the men, Kenji-san, slammed his fist on the table and demanded to know what a fir burger was. I wanted to answer, but I didn't know myself. I turned
to the cute little red head (that I aptly named, Little Irish Boobnor
AKA LIBnor) and asked, "what is a fir burger?" She replied with a raised
eyebrow and a cute flirtatious smile, "Well (she paused with her hands on
her hips followed by a left to right hip shake thing), it's a burger
with cheese, tomato, lettuce, and a sesame bun. Before I could turn to
my cohort and reply... He said, "Oh! At this point he was
wide-eyed himself as if he were a samauri insulted by a sworn enemy. "So,
it's a HAMburger!" He pounded his fist again and rambled something
that sounded like Coot Sooty Ma Cow. The group of them burst into a
roaring laughter. I felt a bit left out of the joke, but I assumed
Little Irish wasn't too pleased with our presence. We left an hour later
and don't plan to ever return there again. I look forward to another
evening and another contract, but perhaps I'll take them to the Mary's Club.