Dearest Darlings:

There’s nothing like a roadtrip to blow the cobwebs out of one’s soul, so you better believe mine is clean as a whistle, after clocking a solid 4400 miles on a cross-country jaunt from New York, back to our fair city. Ostensibly, my trip was purposed by toting heirloom antiques bequeathed me by late grandparents, but it turned into one of those gosh-darned life-changing thingamabobs. No, I did not (and never will) find Jesus. What I found was this: BarFlymag.com is my eternal salvation! Bringing BarFly back into print is my own personal millstone, and it’s time to chuck it, for good, before I drown in my tears. Before the collective keening wail goes up, allow me to elucidate, further. Bear with me through the backstory.

BarFly went out of print, in March 2005, after half of the BarF posse took off for greener pastures at the end of 2004 (amicably, of course - marriages, babies, and back to school - all excellent reasons to leave the fold). Editor-in-chief, John Chandler, and I tried to keep the old girl afloat - but our two dearly departed partners had helped us expand the business of BarFly exponentially, and by then, it was far too big for us to keep up, on our own. After a few months of flailing, we started searching out new blood. We went through round after round of proposals and propositions from outside publishers, and potential partners, even going as far as the altar with a couple of them. Never did tie the knot, though, and each time we dropped the bouquet, it was a little heavier. To say that this took a lot of out of us, personally, well, that would be an understatement. Of the year.

The one truly great thing to come out of this dark period was Mr Kyle Ritter - web czar extraordinaire. Though he might object to being described as a “thing”, he was the one THING that stuck, and his webwork propelled BarFly forward, though we were dead in the water on the print front. His energy and talent took barflymag.com from what was essentially a glorified place-holder on the net, to what was just recently recognized as one of Oregon’s top ten URLs. Still, we were set on bringing the mag back out, and we decided to forgo any further partnering, and do it on our own, just the three of us. We pinched our pennies, and by April of this year, had the $6000 banked for its first issue in print in over two years. Gleefully, we announced its relaunch, and hit our eighth anniversary party with the long-awaited Issue #58 on the press. That’s when the proverbial rug was pulled from beneath our tender hooves once again - our new printer, after a month’s worth of hemming and hawing, nit-picking, and further delays, decided that our content was simply TOO IMMORAL to sully their pristine press, and canned our job, outright.

We didn’t have a Plan B, as this was a company with whom we’d been in negotiations with for the better part of a year - everything was right on with them, and their prices were unbeatable, but apparently the owner had found his inner censor during that time, and by the time we were ready to print, was on his own personal crusade. Just what were his objections? You name it - adult language, sex talk, gay bars - basically, all the things that make life worth living. I spent the rest of the summer sending out hundreds of calls for bids on it. At least 80% of these came back overpriced by more than double what it could/should be, and a significant number refused it based on its apparently objectionable content, adding further insult to injury. Persevering, I narrowed it down to three printers, only to see one of these go out of business by August, find another to be actually located in Thailand, not L.A., and the third, unable to provide anything in the way of print samples more sophisticated than door hangers.

When I set off for New York, my thinking was split between taking a chance on Thailand, and which form of suicide would hurt my parents less. But as I was on the road, bumping from city to city, desperately searching for reliable local bar info on my trusty iBook in each new town, only to find, at best, pay-for-play crap of the Citysearch variety, it finally dawned on me just how valuable a resource we have in barflymag.com. If only there was barflymag.com for every city, everywhere, thought I, and from there, why not make barflymag.com for every city, everywhere? If we take the dollars we set aside for print, and plowed it back into the web, we could actually do it! My enthusiasm was piqued for the first time in months - and the boys were quickly on board with me, all the way. Screw print, viva web! I really didn’t want the blood of barefoot eight year olds tainting the pages of BarFly, and though I haven’t yet seen “An Inconvenient Truth”, on my occasional Fresh Air Fund forays out of Stumptown, I’ve seen the scars of clear-cutting, and I don’t want what’s essentially a glorified coaster to undercut my carbon emissions offset. Christ, for my smoking habit alone, I still need to plant a few thousand acres of rainforest. Plus, with the printing industry as rife with corruption, flim-flam men, and crackpot would-be preachers, as an episode of Deadwood, well, let’s just say, those dishes were DONE.

So, that’s it, folks. You’ll have to find something else to make your bindles, but you may rest assured that we will be pouring all our energy into making barflymag.com not only Portland’s best drinking buddy, but bringing our unique voice to bar scenes far and wide. We’ll be officially relaunching barflymag.com on October 1st - look forward to seeing the full content of the long-lost Issue #58: Liars, Phonies, and Fakes, live on the site, plus our full catalogue of back issues loaded onto the site a.s.a.p. We’ll keep it free by adding more advertising, but we’ll keep it cool as ice, as always (by the by, past advertisers, we have our balance sheet in front of us, and we’ll be doubling whatever we owed you in print ads and sending you gift certificates for ads on the site - check your mail, next week).

Anyhoo, thanks for taking a couple of hours to read my magnum opus, here. Please take a couple more minutes to note the following: today’s G-Spot Happy Hour (a double dose, at both the Bitter End, and the Matador, kicking off at 5pm), and Elvis’s Birthday Pirate Party, this Sunday, at the Ash Tray. The blurbs, below, will fill you in on all the pertinent deets.

I remain yours, etc.,

Miss Jen Lane
BarFly Fame
PO Box 9114
Portland, OR 97207
503.813.9999
http://www.barflymag.com


Blurb #1: Two G-Spots, To-night - You’re coming, right?

This Thursday’s G-Spot is a two-fer! First up, from 5-8pm, at The Bitter End (1981 W Burnside), it’s DJ Whisker Friction (a.k.a. Jedediah “Diamond” Aaker). Then from 8-10pm, the ack-shawn continues at Ye Olde Matador (1967 W Burnside), with my sweet self, Deejay Meee-owww, cranking out the tunes for your listening enjoyment. It’s also my triumphant return to our fair city, from a two-week cross country odyssey, so swing on by and tell me how much you missed me, okay?

Yeah, so that’s TONIGHT, Thursday, September 27th - 5pm-8pm @ The Bitter End, then 8pm-10pm down the block at the Mat. $3 Grolsch 16 oz. flip-tops, and cheap-o well & apps, at both joints, of course. BE THERE!



Blurb #2: Elvis’s Birthday Pirate Party at the Ash Street!

On Sunday, September 30th, at the  Ash Street (225 SW Ash), The Darlins, Paper Cameras,  My Own Black Eye, Misery Magnet, and a special appearance by Captain Bootybeard, promise to make Elvis’s pirate-themed 45th birthday bash extra-extra-special. Come  dress the part and win his heart! Ack-shawn gets underway at 9pm, and there’s a wee $5 cover (don’t forget to bring the old man a present, too!).