Dearest Darlings:
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First, may I trouble you with a practically sincere apology for last week's assault on your dainty sensibilities? I'll assume that anyone who is reading this was hardy enough to withstand Mr. "Potty Mouth" Ritter's indelicate choice of subject line for last week's BarFspam, and that once again, we have pared the pussies from the chaff, and that it's just US. Finally. Do you mind if I take my bra off?
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Oh, that's so much better. Now, on to SECOND, which would be the topic of weekend brunch. We arrived at the topic of weekend brunch, after having spent far too much of our weekdays "doing research" and therefore unable to press flesh to keyboard in any effective manner, until today.
So, weekend brunch, it is!
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But first, or rather, third, I entreat you to join us on the BarFly Bus, tonight! We still have several seats available for the "Party Animal" DoveLewis Fundraiser BarF Bus, will depart from a top-secret location in downtown Portland, promptly at 7pm, this very night (which would be Friday, May 29th). Please click it on over here to get your tickets - http://www.barflymag.com/event-197.html.
By the by, have you checked out the brand new www.barflybus.com? Very exciting stuff there. Very exciting.
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Oh, and just one more thing, or thing number four:
THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY FEUD IS BACK! Next Thursday, at Dante's, with March Fourth Marching Band versus Last Regiment of Syncopated Drummers. It's a special early show, from 7pm-10pm, and it's FREE!
Don't miss it - that's next Thursday, June 4th, from 7pm-10pm, at Dante's. Please read the sidebar (which appears below, in some formats) for all the delectable details. You'll note that my former partner-in-Feud, Kenneth "Cat Daddy" Pogson, will be reprising his Richard Dawson role, while taking a brief break from his Voodoo Baron duties, over at <a href="http://www.voodoodoughnut.com" style="font-weight: bold;">Voodoo Doughnut</a>, where they'll be celebrating six years of awesomeness, this Saturday, May 30th. Want the scoop on the festivities - join <a href="http://twitter.com/VoodooDoughnut" style="font-weight: bold;">Voodoo Doughnut's twitter</a> by <a href="http://twitter.com/VoodooDoughnut" style="font-weight: bold;">clicking here</a>.
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And, now, on to the promised number two!
Lucky for you, weekend brunch happens to be one of my favorite things (after whiskers on kittens, of course).
Here's my top five Brunches of Champions, in no particular order:
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Surprise, surprise, you'll find the <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/bar/clinton-corner-cafe.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Clinton Corner Cafe</a> on the corner of SE Clinton and 21st. The outside tables afford plenty of people watching (mostly of the boho-types that frequent this neck of the woods, and the casually antiqued interior has a Hopperesque vibe. The service is personable, and spot-on, and the house smoked salmon is sweet and juicy (the menu runs $6-9). Seven bucks gets you a pint of fresh-squeezed Mimosa!
Brunch is served on Saturday and Sunday, from 10am-3pm.
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Really, who isn't gay for the weekend? Not that <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/bar/starkys.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Starky's</a> cares - it's the most breeder-friendly gay bar in town. With double patios (non-smoking out back, party hearty, up front), and a comfortably well-appointed dining room, there's plenty of room for everyone under the rainbow. David's been one of BarFly's favorite 'tenders for years, now, and this former Renner's alum now makes his home behind the bar here, during weekend brunch, so you're in luck. The food is scrumptious, and the $14 pitcher of OJ + bottle of champi can't be beat. Dishes run $6-12. Brunch is served 9am-2pm Saturday and Sunday.
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The wait can be excruciating, but ultimately worth it, for a table on the delightful back patio of <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/bar/wild-abandon.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Wild Abandon</a>. I've been stuck on their whopper of a breakfast burrito, but friends tell me the several variations of Benedict on their menu are to die for, as well. It's a small kitchen, and the servers can be a bit on the spacey side, as lovely as they are, so best avoided if you have a fusspot in your party, or little kids, or your hangover's really raging. A must-do under all other circumstances, however. Brunch is served Saturday and Sunday, 9am-2pm. Prices run $5-12ish.
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I hesitate to part with the poop on the <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/bar/springwater-grill.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Springwater Grill</a>, which is as underpopulated, as it is underpriced. It offers an extensive prix-fixe menu ($8.95 last time I was there) that includes a yummy little mini-muffin and breakfast bread basket for the table. Spacious enough to easily accommodate larger parties, even those including the dreaded children. Brunch is Saturday and Sunday, from 10am-3pm.
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If you're still buzzed from the night before, you'll need to go to <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/bar/my-fathers-place.html" style="font-weight: bold;">My Father's Place</a>, where the party tends to end up when their doors open at the break of 7 a.m.. Cheerfully hungover bartenders will keep you company if you're stag, or you can grab one of the large booths or big center tables if you're running with a pack. The food's best described as serviceable, but that's A-OK by me when Sunday morning's coming down. Breakfast is served all day, everyday, at MFP.
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Need something to talk about over your omelette? Women in New York City are paying $250 to have sperm smeared on their faces. No lie, folks! It's in something called "Spermine" which is being touted as the new must-have anti-oxidant. "All research indicates that Spermine is the only antioxidant, which is capable of penetrating the horny layer of the skin (i.e. the stratum corneum)..." so says with a straightface the <a href="http://www.alibaba.com/product/no100221965-217945663-0/skin_protecter.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Detailed Product Description</a> of <a href="http://www.alibaba.com/product/no100221965-217945663-0/skin_protecter.html" style="font-weight: bold;">"SkinScience Spermine for Professionals"</a>, but what do you expect from a company named "Bioforsking" (they're Norwegian). I read all about it in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spermine" style="font-weight: bold;">NYMag.com</a>, and I recommend you do, too.
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By the way, you can opt out of our future filth, by clicking the appropriate link, below. Don't let the interweb hit on you on the ass on the way out!
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With sense and sensibility,
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<a href="http://www.myspace.com/barflymag" style="font-weight: bold;">Miss Jen Lane</a>
<br><a href="http://www.barflymag.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly Fame</a> </a> </b>
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<i>The Feud returns! First Thursday, June 4th, at Dante's!</i>
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<a href="http://www.barflypdx.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly's</a> infamous live gameshow, Dysfunctional Family Feud, returns for its ten-year anniversary show, with <a href="http://www.marchfourthmarchingband.com" style="font-weight: bold;">March Fourth Marching Band</a> versus <a href="http://www.lastregiment.com" style="font-weight: bold;">Last Regiment of Syncopated Drummers</a>. This is a special early show, from 7pm-10pm, on First Thursday, June 4th, and it's free, like the wind! There'll be $2 PBRs, as well. And it's at <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/bar/dantes.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Dante's</a>, of course.
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Your hosts are <a href="http://www.myspace.com/emceecatdaddy" style="font-weight: bold;">Emcee Cat Daddy</a> of <a href="http://www.voodoodoughnut.com" style="font-weight: bold;">Voodoo Doughnut</a>, and <a href="http://www.myspace.com/barflymag" style="font-weight: bold;">Miss Jen Lane</a> of <a href="http://www.barflypdx.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly</a> fame, who will present <a href="http://www.barflypdx.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly's</a> homegrown version of Family Feud, featuring the answers of Portland's very own drunks and other survey respondents! Portland's favorite marching bands will face off in a contest of epic proportions. Fabulous prizes (courtesy of <a href="http://www.pabstblueribbon.com" style="font-weight: bold;">PBR</a>, <a href="http://www.voodoodoughnut.com" style="font-weight: bold;">Voodoo Doughnut</a>, <a href="http://bishopsbarbershop.com" style="font-weight: bold;">Bishops</a>, and <a href="http://www.barflypdx.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly</a>!) await the winners, ignominy and shame will console the losers.
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Opening the festivities will be <a href="http://www.barflypdx.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly's</a> newest gameshow creation - Assword!
If you're thinking "dirty <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Password_(game_show)" style="font-weight: bold;">Password</a>" you're right, and you're our kind of people, so be there early enough to catch the Assword shenanigans. Our celebrity players will be <a href="http://www.myspace.com/sarahdylan" style="font-weight: bold;">Miss Sarah X. Dylan</a> and <a href="http://www.myspace.com/jayhorton" style="font-weight: bold;">Mr Jay Horton</a>. Would you like to play? Two extremely lucky audience members will get a shot at the gold! But remember, you must be there EARLY. It's an EARLY SHOW. It starts at SEVEN. Get it? Got it? Good.
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Oh, oh, but wait, I left out the BEST PART!
Both <a href="http://www.lastregiment.com" style="font-weight: bold;">LRSD</a> and <a href="http://www.marchfourthmarchingband.com" style="font-weight: bold;">M4</a> will be MARCHING to Dante's! I know, it's crazy, marching bands actually marching, but yes, they will be doing JUST THAT!
<a href="http://www.lastregiment.com" style="font-weight: bold;">LRSD</a> is coming over the Burnside Bridge, from the Eastside, and <a href="http://www.marchfourthmarchingband.com" style="font-weight: bold;">March Fourth</a> will be marshaling their troops in the northwest Park Blocks. Choose your side, and represent, yo! I anticipate the respective marching will commence at approximately 6:30pm, but you'll want to hook your cell up to our <a href="http://www.twitter.com/portlandbarfly" style="font-weight: bold;">Twitter</a> teat, so you'll be sure to get the ready, set, go and proper coordinates, at the time. Suck up to BarFly at <a href="http://www.twitter.com/portlandbarfly" style="font-weight: bold;">www.twitter.com/portlandbarfly</a>.
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So, let's go ahead and mark our calendars altogether now, shall we? That's First Thursday, June 4th, from 7pm to 10pm, at <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/bar/dantes.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Dante's</a> (1 SW Third, at Burnside), and it's FREE! It's also 21 and over, so leave the kids in the car with the windows rolled up.
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By the way, <a href="http://www.richarddawsonlives.com" style="font-weight: bold;">Richard Dawson lives</a>!
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<img border=0 width="383" height="473" src="http://www.barflymag.com/users/images/6-WEB.AD.BUS.STRIPORAMA18.2009.jpg" alt="" />
<br><strong>STRIP-O-RAMA XVIII: ALL STRIP BARS, ALL NIGHT LONG!
<br>Friday, June 5th, 2009
<br>7pm-1am
<br>$25 apiece • Pay no covers, get drink specials and dance deals all evening! </strong>
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<br>HEY, PERV! Shave those palms and get ready for a titillating night of 100% pure voyeurism on the eighteenth-ever <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/event-173.html" style="font-weight: bold;">STRIP-O-RAMA BarFly MYSTERY STRIP BAR Bus TOUR</a>! Take in the scintillating sights on a tour showcasing Portland's infamous all-nude revues.
Check your political correctness at the door, and get ready to let it all hang out on a tour that's definitely not for the faint of heart! Bachelor (and especially intrepid Bachelorette parties!) are welcome - you'll have more fun on the BarF Bus than in some cheesy limo (not to mention, save some serious cheddar, too).
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Due to the EXTREME nature of this tour-de-force, tickets are priced at $25 apiece.
Sorry, discount group rate tickets are sold out. Tickets are still available at the regular price. Please use the link, below.
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<b>Click here for tickets to <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/event-173.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Strip-O-Rama XVIII: All strip bars, all night long</a>! </b>
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<img border=0 width="450" height="600" src="http://www.barflymag.com/users/images/6-WEB.AD.BUS.BYRONBECKBIGGAYBUS.2009.jpg" alt="" />
<br><strong>BYRON BECK'S BIG, GAY, BarFly Bus!
<br>Thursday, June 11th, 2009
<br>7pm-1am
<br>$30 apiece or $250 for a group of ten • Pay no covers, enjoy complimentary appetizers, and get drink specials all evening! Proceeds benefit <a href="http://www.basicrights.org/" style="font-weight: bold;">Basic Rights Oregon</a>.</strong>
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Kick off Pride and paint the town pink! <a href="http://wweek.com/columns/qw/" style="font-weight: bold;">Queer Window's</a> <a href="http://www.byronbeck.com/" style="font-weight: bold;">Byron Beck</a> hosts the most fabulous <a href="http://www.barflybus.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly Bus</a>, ever. You'll cruise 8-10 bars, clubs, pubs, and dives, with 55 of your new best friends, doing a little karaoke, a little dancing, and all that BarFly jazz. Along the way, you'll enjoy drink specials, complimentary appetizers, and pay no cover charges! . The <a href="http://www.barflybus.com" style="font-weight: bold;">BarFly Bus</a> is a wild night of decadent f-u-n you won't forget (if you can remember!).
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Grab ten of your favorite party pals and you'll save $50 off your tickets with our special group discount price ($250/10 tickets). By the by, we're aiming to give 40% of the ticket prices to <a href="http://www.basicrights.org/" style="font-weight: bold;">Basic Rights Oregon</a>, but we can only do that if we sell out, so spread the word!
If we don't sell out, then we'll donate the balance after cost to <a href="http://www.basicrights.org/" style="font-weight: bold;">Basic Rights Oregon</a>.
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Tickets are priced at $30 apiece.
Discounts are available for groups of ten or more ($250/ten tickets). That's like getting two tickets free, so rally your posse and save! Choose from the links below. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to <a href="http://www.basicrights.org/" style="font-weight: bold;">Basic Rights Oregon</a>.
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PLEASE NOTE: IF YOU ARE A <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/event-186.html" style="font-weight: bold;">GOLDEN TICKET</a> HOLDER**, YOU WILL BE ASKED TO MAKE A MINIMUM $10 CASH DONATION TO <a href="http://www.basicrights.org/" style="font-weight: bold;">BASIC RIGHTS OREGON</a>, ON THE Bus.
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<b>Click here for tickets to <a href="http://www.barflymag.com/event-189.html" style="font-weight: bold;">Byron Beck's Big, Gay, BarFly Bus</a>! </b>
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