They say sharing is caring, and to show that deep down, I really do care about you just a little, I thought I’d share my fond memories of the late, great, Miss Anna Nicole Smith. We must be strong - we can get through this together. Stiff upper lip, and all that. Now, here goes.

I had the infinite pleasure of channeling Anna Nicole Smith for Halloween 2002, shortly after her triumphant E! television debut. It was one of my best costumes ever, which isn’t really saying much, seeing as I usually pick something either too obscure, or something that falls apart about 45 minutes after I leave the house. But, Anna Nicole, oh, Anna Nicole! I totally hammed it up, slurring and swaying on the BarF Bus so effectively, some of my regulars were alarmed. Just part of the act, the Academy Award winning act, I reassured them. I don’t know why I have to keep explaining that, over and over. Anyways, what’s important is, did I get laid? Oh, yes, I got laid. So, thank YOU, Anna Nicole Smith, wherever you are. And your little dog, too.

It was like, for one day, I was Anna Nicole Smith. Storm Large is another woman I’d like to be for one day. If I could, I’d give up a toe - any toe - if, in exchange, I could be Storm Large for one day. Twenty-four hours. Just to see what it’s like, being ALL THAT. And the proverbial bag of chips. It doesn’t even have to be that great a day. GIve me hungover and on the rag, I’ll take it. I’m so curious. What would it be like to walk down the street, knowing that in a moment, you could fuck, or fuck up, every single person you pass? Okay, now I’m sounding really, really creepy. I’m really, really not. Well, maybe a little. Anyways, I think what I’m gonna do is NOT sit in a rocker at the top of the stairs wearing a suit made out of Storm’s skin, but I think what I’m gonna do is start a Balls cover band. Maybe call it Strokejob. Maybe you should come out and see for yourself at the show, next Friday, February 16th, at Dante’s. It starts at 11pm, right after the Super Nova show at the Rose Garden that nobody’s going to, anyway. By the way, did you know that the real Supernova is playing Dante’s, the night before, on the 15th? It’s true! Go figure.

Thanks very much to the Entertainment Zone on PDX-49 for featuring a stunning black BarFly t-shirt on breaks during today’s Simpsons happy hour. They also had some band on, the Dry County Crooks, or something like that. Anyway, they had this guy, Paul Becker, modeling it, and well, I smell a Daytime Emmy. That’s good television!

This just in! Kenneth “Cat Daddy” Pogson, co-baron of Voodoo Doughnut, and longtime prognosticator of all thing dead and celebrity - Anna Nicole Smith killed herself because it is about to be revealed that her baby’s father was her belated son! Put that in your Oedipal Complex and smoke it!

Yours, etc.,

Miss Jen Lane
BarFly Fame

P.S. For your Friday night pleasure, I suggest you head straight to Doom Town 4, at the Crystal Ballroom. It’s a rock-and-roll fashion show curated by the likes of The Punk Group’s Tony-bot, and Gregarious’s gal pal, Elizabeth Mollo. In a word, sweet-ass-killer. BE THERE!