Let me spell this out, since some people just don't get it. The bar's phone belongs to the BAR. It is not a community phone, it's a business phone. And the bar's staff is NOT your answering service. I love when people call the bar to see if a customer's there, and I ask who's calling, and they give me a smart ass reply like, "A person." Oh, good one! Click. They are going to keep calling back, and I'm going to keep hanging up on their ass. That's because they shouldn't be bothering the bar in the first place. They aren't here spending money, so they have no right to interrupt us from serving the people who are. Was the bar nice enough to find who you're looking for and put them on the phone for you? Big mistake on the bar's part, because now you will expect it all the time. Did the bartender let you make a call from the bar's phone? Also not good, now you will expect to use it every time you're there. That's just great how you're tying up the bar's phone when actual business calls may be trying to get through. And every bartender has had to deal with a customer's crazy spouse calling the bar over and over looking for them. If your man is ignoring his cell phone, guess what? That is your problemo. Don't expect us to give a fuck, we aren't your secretaries. We have a job to do, and it doesn't entail helping you badger one of our customers. If you just won't leave the poor guy alone, you need to unglue your fat ass from the couch and go look for him yourself. Oh, and I don't blame him for avoiding you. I don't even know you and I don't like dealing with you either.

  What is it about being in a bar that makes people think they can ask for the decorations off of the walls? It's bizarre. Do they go to their friend's houses and ask for their pictures on the walls? No. But at bars, especially sports bars, you always get asked for the stuff on the walls. Last time I checked, this was not a gift shop. That's nice you drink Bud, shoot Jack, and root for the Blazers. That does not mean we should give you the bar's Bud neon sign, Jack Daniels mirror, and Blazers clock. Then when you tell them no, they pout. Pout your way to Spencer Gifts and buy your own tacky bar decor.