"Why isn't my card working? I just deposited my check! Run it again. Declined again? That's impossible, I have a bazillion dollars in my account. Run it again! Still no? Do you know how much I make a year? Run it again!" Listen Donald Trump, it doesn't matter how fat your account is, your card isn't working. "Why isn't it working?" I don't fucking know. Do I work for your bank? Am I your Visa rep? No and no. I'm your bartender, I'm busy, I've just wasted 10 minutes trying to get you to pay your stinkin' tab, and here you are acting like it's my fault your card won't work. No I will not run it again, it's not going to magically work after 3 other tries. You may be embarassed right now, but causing a scene just makes it worse. If you had paid cash I could've taken care of 6 other orders by now, but you didn't want to pay ATM fees, and now here you are looking like a deadbeat. Your indignation isn't going to make the credit card machine spit out an approval. Best thing is to consider this a lesson learned. If you can't rely on your card to always work, have cash on you just in case. In fact, you're better off paying in cash, since it eliminates the possibility of a harried server accidentally giving your card back to the wrong person. I've never understood people who go around without any cash, anyway. Now don't forget to tip.

  This isn't really a rant, more like a plea. Usually the only time servers get to take a pause from the action is during their meal break. Most bars don't have a break room, so they usually have to eat out in the bar area. It doesn't matter if the bar's been dead for hours, once you sit down to eat, that's when people come in. Now, when you're in a bar and you see a server having their meal break, I have only one request: LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE. This is the only 15-20 minutes they have to chill and text/do the crossword. Just let them have it. This is not the time to sit down with them and ask questions while their mouth is full. (Besides, doesn't logic serve that if they wanted to chat with you during their break, they would've sat with you?) And ask the other servers for service. We don't want to spend our precious break minutes validating your poker vouchers and refilling your waters when there's someone else who can do it. Worst of all are the people who watch you eat. This happens a lot, usually by bored men who are sitting alone. Just a little creepy, no? And keep your nosy comments to yourself. All we ask is that you let us have our meager break without harassment. You can handle that, can't you?