Platforms, Pussy Wipes and Purell. Workin' In A Strip Bar.

Last Spring, I was getting ready for work, and recieved a text from my boss saying I was let go. Fired via text message! Do you believe that shit? I was using the flat iron when I learned of this, and right then found my first gray hair. Unemployed a

Posted By Jinx on October 30, 2009, 9:31 pm

Going to the Coast? Don't Drink and Drive! No Really...Don't

Are you planning on going to the beach for Labor Day? Cool. Plan on gettig rich at the Casino? You can drink at the tables now. Sea Lion caves? Cuteness. Four-wheeling? Even better. Anyway, we all know the real reason you go there. To booze it up. He

Posted By Jinx on September 5, 2009, 2:57 pm

Unsolicited Advice

Recently, someone sent my friend Kyle Ritter this Email: Hi,What does the average person spend on entertainment a month? I don't want to rush into anything so I was hoping you could give me some ideas as to what to avoid. A little advice wou

Posted By Jinx on August 14, 2009, 8:05 am

Pest Peeves

  When the bar is slammed and customers expect you to stand there and wait while they survey the menu. When you try to excuse yourself to go do something else while they decide, they say; "No! Wait here!" Like if you run out a food ord

Posted By Jinx on July 11, 2009, 4:21 pm

Dick-tionary

We all know these customers. Now, let's label them!Agassi's- Origin: Andre Agassi in the early '90's. Men who Will. Not. Remove. Their. Hats. And act like they're doing it out of principle when they're really just worried abou

Posted By Jinx on May 1, 2009, 10:54 pm

Hell Be an MPD

  Stupid me, I made the mistake of telling my friend Gretchen that I wasn't doing anything Sunday and got roped into helping out with her kid's birthday party. Let me tell you, 3 hours of screeching 4 year olds spazzed out on sugar and h

Posted By Jinx on April 2, 2009, 3:15 pm

Aww, man... Cut off again?

  Yay, finally the laptop is working again. For the last six weeks it was more virused that those groupies on Rock of Love: Tour Bus. (Not naming anyone, but I wasn't the one downloading porn from Germany...) Anyway, if you

Posted By Jinx on January 29, 2009, 1:51 pm

The Hennessy Heretic

  Out of all the liquors I serve, no brand has ever given me a bigger headache than Hennessy. Whoever marketed this stuff is a freakin mastermind, because this stuff is more coveted than a box of Voodoo Donuts at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.

Posted By Jinx on October 25, 2008, 2:13 pm

What I DO like about bartending!

  Okay, so after all these rants, you've got to be wondering why I don't quit already and become a librarian. These rants are strictly cathartic, there's a lot that I do like. If it was that insufferable I would have hung up my soda

Posted By Jinx on September 8, 2008, 11:13 am

Bartender Rant #10

  Let me spell this out, since some people just don't get it. The bar's phone belongs to the BAR. It is not a community phone, it's a business phone. And the bar's staff is NOT your answering service. I love when people call the

Posted By Jinx on August 13, 2008, 5:05 pm

Sometimes the "Adults" are worse than the "Kids"

  When you hear of people going psycho on bartenders, you tend to think of frat boys or thugs or Tara Reid, generally people who look like trouble. Not true, sometimes "Classy" people are the worst of all. I was working at a bar that o

Posted By Jinx on July 19, 2008, 12:43 pm

Bartender Rant #9

  "Why isn't my card working? I just deposited my check! Run it again. Declined again? That's impossible, I have a bazillion dollars in my account. Run it again! Still no? Do you know how much I make a year? Run it again!" List

Posted By Jinx on June 26, 2008, 4:01 pm

Bartender Rant #8

  If I only had a dollar for every time the place is mostly empty, yet people go sit at the only dirty table. Unless it's an especially good table, why do people do this? Do they enjoy sitting on other people's crumbs and looking at thei

Posted By Jinx on June 6, 2008, 2:24 pm

Bar-retard-tending Academy

  Bartending Academy. Bartending Academy. Sometimes I can actually say that without retching. The fact that anyone would buy that you need a friggin diploma to mix booze is a complete mystery to me. I just got a mailer from a "career instit

Posted By Jinx on May 13, 2008, 9:25 am

Bartender Rant #7

  Generally, bartenders do not get to select their coworkers. And I consider this type of coworker to be especially retarded: People who don't drive who take jobs that are waaay far away. They always live near plenty of other bars where they

Posted By Jinx on April 15, 2008, 3:43 pm

Fair Warning for Rude Customers

  This is just basic common sense: Don't ever be rude to someone who will be handling your food. Duh, right? The stories you hear are true. When someone treats you like shit they just stepped in the temptation to fuck with their food is huge

Posted By Jinx on March 31, 2008, 11:58 am

Bartender Rant #6

  Smile. Are you smiling? Now hold it for 8 hours. Impossible, right? There is going to be moments when your server isn't smiling either. Don't yell at them. Shouting, "Smile!" at anyone makes it the last thing they want to do.

Posted By Jinx on March 13, 2008, 7:13 pm

The OLCC Sucks Ass

  I just took the OLCC class for the 3rd time since moving to Oregon. What a bunch of B.S. The fact that I can get sued over something a grown person chose to do is absurd. As if it weren't for me, these people wouldn't find a way t

Posted By Jinx on February 28, 2008, 2:13 pm

Bartender rant #5

  You're not drinking, you're not hungry. You are at the bar to dance/schmooze/play pool/whatever. So you order water. Your server goes to the bar and brings you back water. For some reason you don't tip, even though it took as much

Posted By Jinx on February 10, 2008, 4:24 pm

Bartender Rant #4

  Every now and then you get customers known in the industry as the Oprah Winfreys because they sit down and ask you a MILLION FUCKING QUESTIONS. Apparently, once you've served them a drink, they are entitled to know all about your personal

Posted By Jinx on January 28, 2008, 3:46 am

Bartender Rant #3

  As it stands, Portland still allows smoking in bars. This does not give you the right to be a pig. Ashtrays are there for cigarette debris. NOT LOOGIES. Not chewing tobacco. What is it about some guys that they simply MUST spit? Now some lucky

Posted By Jinx on January 14, 2008, 12:37 pm

Bartender Rant #2

   No one should ever drive drunk. This is why the bar will call you a cab if you need one. Problem is, if you're out in the suburbs, the cab will probably take longer than the 15-20 minutes tha dispatcher said. This is not your bartend

Posted By Jinx on January 7, 2008, 3:01 pm

Bartender Rant #1

   Last call! You ignore it. Bar closing! You rack up a new game on the pool table. Your friend decides that now is a good time to put money in the poker machine. Pulling drinks! You clutch your beer like you're a heroin addict and they

Posted By Jinx on December 31, 2007, 7:24 pm

Tips for Bar Regulars- How to Not Wear Out Your Welcome

There is no doubt that regulars are essential to a bar's prosperity. And we bartenders appreciate them, definitely. That said, there are some regulars who become such a bane, you wish they would take their business to your competitors and become

Posted By Jinx on December 11, 2007, 1:23 pm