We all know these customers. Now, let's label them!

Agassi's- Origin: Andre Agassi in the early '90's. Men who Will. Not. Remove. Their. Hats. And act like they're doing it out of principle when they're really just worried about how they look without it.

Ass Listers- Customers who are friends with the boss, and don't you forget it. They expect you to kiss their ass, and think they're exempt from being cut off.

Barknobs- As in, everyone's had a turn. Barflies who have humped all the regulars at one time or another. The regulars are all buddies, and the Barknob still hangs out there.

Barnacles- People who come to the bar without any money. "Tell that Barnacle in Station 1 that the free pool is for paying customers only."

Bloodhounds- Customers who think that the way to your heart is to keep cornering you at work. "I'm not parking out front anymore, I don't want that Bloodhound Isaac to know when I'm working."

Caliphobic- People who will kick your ass for rooting for the Lakers. Typically Blazers fans, which would make them victory phobic as well.

Canaries- Customers who play up to the owner by informing on the staff. "Don't let Mark see you use your cell phone, he's a total Canary."

Captain Insano's- Customers who keep getting in fights yet feel they are never at fault.

Caste Cunts- People who look down on you for working in a bar.

Chongers- People who don't understand that the smell of marijuana travels. "I can't believe those Chongers sparked up right in the bathroom, then acted innocent."

Conversation Incarceration- Being stuck with an overly talkative customer who thinks you are their captive audience.

CSD Cases- People who try to bring in their kids, and become irate when you won't let them.

Douchelusional- Customers who don't understand that smiling and talking to them is part of your job, it doesn't mean you want their body.

Dr. Phil's- Customers who analyze you.

Drunkspect- Customers who keep leaving and coming back.

Drunk's Syndrome- Customers who complain about EVERYTHING yet don't leave.

Get-a-lifer's- Customers who eavesdrop on other people's conversations and throw in their two cents worth. "We weren't fucking talking to you, you Get-a-lifer!

Heidi-itis- Origin: That bim from "The Hills." Hysterical women who think you're hot for their boyfriend. "Did you see the look on her face when he high-fived you? That's a bad case of Heidi-itis, he's not even cute."

Know-it-all-caholics- People who say you're not a "real" bartender. "I hate it when people learn a few drinks and become a know-it-all-caholic." "That know-it-all-caholic is talking shit because I didn't sugar the rim on her cosmo. Sick!"

M.I.T.E.E.'s- More Important Than Everyone Else. Customers who feel the rules of the bar shouldn't apply to them. And they should never have to wait, no matter how busy it is. Why can't you acknowledge that? "What's Miss M.I.T.E.E. offended about NOW?"

Peeloaders- People who want to use the bathroom without buying anything. "I'm putting this sign up because of all the Peeloaders from the bus stop."

Pippins- Origin: Duh, Scottie. People who "don't believe" in tipping. We all know they're just cheap asses.

Road Housers- Customers who feel they must assist the bouncers. "Those Road Housers need to butt out and let Security do their job."

Squeakers- Customers who take it upon themselves to point out people that are waiting. "If that Squeaker points out one person to me, that margarita's going right in his lap."

Static Cling- Disrespectful significant others of the staff who disrupt them during their shift. "Tell that Static Cling wife of yours that if she has an issue with you, she can take it up with you when you're off the clock."

Tipsy Gypsy- Freebie grubber. "That Tipsy Gypsy asked if he could have that glass of foam when the keg blew."

Tweakard's- Customers from Tigard. Self-explanatory.

Vanity Sick's- Large and/or old women, blind to what  their bodies look like, who pour themselves into revealing clothes.

Okay, that's enough for now. Do you resemble any of these remarks? Me personally, I used to live in Tweakard (didn't tweak, which actually made me suspect there), I've been Drunkspect a time or two, and I can become a Pippin real fast if the server's rude. Got any labels of your own? Add em below. 

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