Out of all the liquors I serve, no brand has ever given me a bigger headache than Hennessy. Whoever marketed this stuff is a freakin mastermind, because this stuff is more coveted than a box of Voodoo Donuts at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. Can't give it away at Country bars, but Sarah Palin's youngest kid will be tutoring me in Calculus before I work at one of those. Yea,I said it. So why Hennessy? It's so well promoted, people who can't afford it order it, then don't want to pay what it costs. I hate the wide-eyed glare I get when I charge for it. To make matters worse, a full shot poured into a snifter doesn't look like much. And the tip tends to suck because they're mad about spending so much, yet they have to have it all the same. Patron and Grey Goose are expensive and popular too, but for some reason they just don't inspire the same hostility that Hennessy does.

  Here's a typical Hennessy exchange I just had. A rhinestone-encrusted Kimora wannabe and her label covered date strutted up to the bar and ordered two double shots of Hennessy VSOP, the most expensive thing we carry. I pour what they ordered and charge for it, $42. He looks at me incredulously and she sneers at me, which looks really strange since she has more collagen in her lips than the chick who did the lap dance in Death Proof. I sigh and reach for the snifters to take them away. She shoots him a look that says, "Pay the knave already." He shoots her a look that says, "Are you for real?" Then he rolls his eyes, wearily pulls out $42, and takes his drinks. That's right, Sports Fans, no tip. And I got taxed on that sale. Nothing screams "class" more than that. When I worked slow day shifts and made crap in tips, was I ordering Ketel One martinis and griping about the price? No way, I was at Tube imbibing $2 vodka cranberries. (Tube is titties. Feel free to quote me on that.)

 I always crack up when people compare our prices to a dive bar. "But they're only $4.50 at the Nits Nest Tavern!" Bully for the Nits Nest, but our overhead is just a little different. Look around you, are you in a nightclub or a dive bar? (Hint: this place doesn't smell like fromunda cheese and warrants.) So now my new strategy is to quote the price before I pour it. Here's what I generally get: "What, do you think I can't afford it?" Grr. Christian brothers tastes just as good at half the price, but it has no image, so it sits there while I get bitched at about Hennessy. No I will not top off your shot for free, no you are not going to flirt your way out of paying for it, and no I will not feel guilty about charging you a premium price for your premium liquor. Instead, how about you show some sense. Don't order Hennessy when you have a Potter's budget.