Recently, someone sent my friend Kyle Ritter this Email:

Hi,

What does the average person spend on entertainment a month? I don't want to rush into anything so I was hoping you could give me some ideas as to what to avoid. A little advice would go a long way now...

Thank you very much

Sincerely, Paul

I know. WTF, right?

Paul, Kyle is a busy guy with a lot of work to do. I'm, um, not these days, so he forwarded this to me. Hope you don't mind.

Now, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you don't leave the house much. Barfly is about bars, not commitments, so what are you worried about "rushing into"? You're looking for some entertainment, not a mail order bride. By entertainment you must mean the bar kind, or you wouldn't ask advice from the guy who co-runs Barfly. What's causing you to be so timid? Are you afraid you'll be like Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science when he walks into the black bar, with no hot babe on your arm to save your ass? Or do you just want to party but, like many of us, have limited funds? Maybe a little of both?

Well, unclench. This is Portland, not Detroit. You aren't going to get your organs harvested anywhere around here, even in NoPo. (Damn, because I could use a new liver in a few years.) And bar fights typically happen between two willing parties, not one. As for how much money you spend, it's all about where you go. Having martini's and filet mignon at Portland City Grill is going to cost substantially more than having Pabst and Frito's at Yamhill Pub. Just like front row tickets for Prince will deplete your funds faster than one of those odd arty shows at Someday Lounge. Ya see what I'm saying? Bars are full of the unemployed. Bottom line: if people want to get drunk, they will find the money.

As for what to avoid, Barfly has a neat little feature for this. See the cute little pictures at the top of Home Page? That's there so you can narrow down the kind of bars you're looking for and weed out the ones you aren't. Sweet, eh?

Are you interested in going to strip bars? Sounds to me like you need to hit one, badly. Here's my advice: go to club Blush and see if Chloe's working. Buy lap dances from her. I refuse to elaborate, but if that doesn't break you out of your shell, nothing will. IMPORTANT: Afterward get a double shot of gin from the bar and pour it over anything she's touched. Trust Jinx on this.

Now, what I want you to do is log off your computer, and just go out yourself and see how much you spend. Whaddaya say, Tiger?