I didn't believe my eyes last Saturdaymorning when the Icy fury was surrounding us. Really, I thought I was just retarded. Until I turned on the news. There he was, Bruce Sussman, holding a piece of ice proclaiming "I wouldn't be holding a piece of ice if it wasn't icy." That turned me into a believer and I started screaming about Armageddon. When I screamed, Bruce screamed back. It was wonderful.

Since it was icy, the homies and I went and bought lots of booze at the liquor store in a slip sliding adventure that would have made a great slapstick movie that rivaled the cinematic feats of Home Alone II - Snake Attack!

After a few white russians (not the Russian's who hate all beverages), Steiny and Bert and Swarthmaster and I got the great idea to slide on up to the Kennedy School. After a few weak and overpriced drinks, and limited mating potential, we figured it wasn't the place to be.

So we marched onward braving the elements like Bruce Sussman, determined to run through every chunk of ice with a fine tooth comb. We left no freezing rain pellet unturned. We were pioneers in the truest sense of the word.

Our Destination: Binks on NE Alberta. Our mission: get drunk and laid.

One quick word about Binks: It is not a bar to get laid at. We did however, have the privlege of meeting Golf Shoe Georgio, a fellow adventurer, living on instinct and wits. He kind of had too, he had one of those wandering eyes.

Golf Shoe wanted a beer, only he had no money. So Bert talked him into bringing some specific chicks seated a few feet away, and if he succeeded, he'd get a beer. What a failed mission that was. He hit on the wrong girls, and of all girls to hit on, he had to bring back the Most Boring, Unattractive Elitist Bitches I had ever met.

One girl had something going for her. She was a dogsled racer. A musher. An Alaskan pioneer, braving the elements, much like ourselves. So when Swarthmaster Flex start making funny inquiries about her dogs "Oh god! Do race different size dogs. Like a welsh corgi and maybe a St. Bernard and a Husky and a Springer Spaniel?" she didn't laugh. Hell, she simply said "No just huskies".

Now Swarthmaster is a funny guy. It's very difficult not to laugh when you are hanging out with him. So he goes on, tapping into his wealth of 80s sitcom knowledge and pulling out a discussion about Balki B from the show Perfect Strangers. This girl just looked at him like "Oh. I race huskies. I don't watch 80s sitcoms. We can not be friends, television watcher!"

Meanwhile, Plain Face Natural Fibers was chatting with Bert about the fact that she was a science teacher. I wonder how she does with that. I recall always having wacky eccentric Science teachers, not these stick in the mud ultra PC hates anything fun or entertaining type science teachers. Man, what a bitch. I don't even want to type about her anymore.

This is what she looked like:


But I must go on. Although they weren't to our technical specifications, we gave Golf Shoes Georgio 3 bucks for a beer because he did manage to bring some womens back to us. He promptly left, after golf shoe dancing with some long silky wearer of dresses. He pimped two bitches for 3 bucks. It was incredible.

The rest of the evening was a dud, there were some actress types and crying girl and girl who didn't smoke but smoked tonight but I don't even fucking care. The only thing good about that place is that the bartendresses are sweethearts and the jukebox.