One of my all time favorite memories involved a strip club in Salem Oregon, and Dave J on his 21st birthday back in the halcyon days of 1998.

We used to play this game called "Dress up in cheap suits and act like bad asses". It was a pretty fun game and the winner recieved a honey glazed dinner ham as prize.

At the time, I was driving a car that I bought for $100.00. It was a 1991 Chevrolet Corsica, the choice of fleet car of government agencies. Only this one had tiny wheels in the front because the previous owner had ran it head on into a tree, thereby reducing the wheel well size. It remains a mystery as to why we were in Salem, which has nothing to do with my car. I just wanted to brag about my bad ass ride.

So here we are, playing our Dress up in Suits game, and competition for the ham was rough. We are driving this Corsica around Salem on Dave's birthday, and we end up at a strip club. I don't recall what it was called, but I know there were naked girls and annoying DJs. In fact, the DJ hated us, because we were bad asses in cheap suits. As we were leaving some guys were harrassing Peg, and he ended up calling them sheep fuckers, and they followed us to the convenience store where we were purchasing cigarettes.

They got our of their car, all five of them, ready to fight. Dave and I were sitting in the Corsica while Peg was in the store. Immediately, Dave and I assessed the situation. Two bad asses in suits and a funny little crippled fellow against five sheep fuckers. The odds were looking rough.

Then our moment of clarity kicked in "Hey, we are bad asses in suits! We can do what we want!" As they were walking towards my car, Dave and I got out, look at them, and simply walked to the trunk.I calmly opened it, and put a wrench up my sleeve, and left just a little metal flashing while I tucked it into my jacket. The desired effect was apparent. They thought we had a gun and scattered.

Dave congratulated me on my quick thinking, and awarded me the coveted ham, which I put in a food dehydrator to make ham jerky. Or maybe he did that, only with bacon. Who cares, facts don't matter.