That's right, all you yo-ho-ho har/yar sayers who feel compelled to announce to the world that you have perfected the art of mimicking Long John Silver, non-pirate sailors of the sea kick so much more ass than pansy pirates. Since I am a pillar of truth and integrity, I would not dream of making such a harsh and blanket argument without offering you some compelling evidence.

Exhibit A - Admiral Nelson


Here we have the ruggedly handsome Admiral Nelson, a member of the British Fleet who also has his own rum. It is horrible stuff, difficult to drink, bitter, the way a man's drink oughta be. If you'll notice, Admiral Nelson also has an eye-patch, indicating that he has been was injured in a high seas battle in which he fought valiantly. His heroism and rebellious was have been rewarded by teaming hordes of nubile vixens. What a pimp.

Admiral Nelson might give off the bad boy image, well, thats because he his. He is more like Rambo, a war hero, a rebel, and ultimately fighting for justice no matter what the cost. Admiral Nelson exemplifies everything that wanna-be pirates claim to be.

Exhibit B - Captain Morgan



I don't see a single bad ass thing about Captain Morgan here. What does he do that so great? Stand there with his foot on a keg? What a loser. He wears this plumy, fruity red suit and a little musketeer hat. I don't see a peg leg, I don't see a hook, parrot, or eye patch. Oooohhh, but he has sweet rum you say. Bollocks! A real bad ass pirate would drink gasoline, or at the very least, 151, not this fruity sweet sugar beverage known as Captain Morgan's Rum.

Comparing Ex. A and Ex. B

Fact: Admiral Nelson has an eye patch. Captain Morgan does not.
Fact: Admiral Nelson is surrounded by lusty wenches. Captain Morgan only has a blog.
Fact: Admiral Nelson tastes like shit and therefore requires more rebel fortitude to drink. Captain Morgan's tastes like daisies and tulips for a bunch of mama's boys.

Conclusion Pirates like Captain Morgan are fucking pussies and British Naval officers like Admiral Nelson are way more sea worthy.