What I really miss about the 80s were all of the films that made people with everyday jobs look bad ass. I think the only one not made was about an honorable Dry-Cleaner trying to literally clean up the Dry Cleaning industry, kicking steamer thug asses and wooing women while remaining the handsome and mysterious stranger with a job to do.

Since this is a bar site, I'd thought I'd relay my late night television watching experience. I was tired of Girls Gone Wild infomercials, so I turned to the Country Music Channel. Low and behold, tonights television premiere was "Road House".

Road House was kind of the coup de gras of the action/profession genre. Made in 1989, it was kind of a last hurrah and a farewell to the decade's films that turn your average meter readers into modern day Beowulfs.

These are some life lessons I learned from Road House:

(1) You can be a legendary bouncer. You can be the best. And by being so, bar owners in small shitty towns will fly across the country to have you run their bar. You are a man of honor, but you don't even have give two weeks notice at your current job.

(2) Rich evil small town barons don't spend their money on fancy cars, sprawling villas, and fancy clothes. Nope. They spend it on a 3 wheeler, a shitty convertible Mustang 5.0, some weird looking late 80s Chevy Nova economy model, and a Monster Truck in case they have to crush cars at a dealership that done them wrong.


(3) Legendary bouncers practice Tai-Chi because they are spiritual, and they also know how to rip throats out.


(4) Legendary bouncers run the entire bar business, with the powers to fire anyone, even if it doesn't relate to bouncing whatsoever because they are, um, legendary.

(5) Sometimes legendary bouncers need to consult with their master bouncer mentor who they learned their trade from. That mentor will always be a gruff, rough and tumble man with a heart of gold and a raspy Baritone voice named Sam Elliot.

(6) Evil henchman wear a dangling cross shaped gold earring.


(7) Having a philosophy degree is an impressive academic achievement for a bouncer.

(8) Pain don't hurt.

(9) Bartenders put money in their pocket from the till, while they are working a crowded bar.

(10) I fuck guys like you in prison.