Yes Portland Disc Jockeys, you are a plague. And before you start thinking "you are just jealous Mr. Kyle Ritter", let me inform you of this: I don't have the time to be envious of your musical tastes, your piles of vinyl, your Ipod, or your DJ (insert noun here) moniker.

Really, I just find you to be a nuisance. You see, your promotional tactics are weak. You "review" the bars you spin (or button push in the case of DJ Ipod users) at, and always finish the review with "DJ (insert noun or adjective here) spins wednesday from 9-12 pm. He also spins at (insert your other gig here) on Tuesdays from 8-11 pm. He spins the dopest tunes ever. Check it out!"

From an advertising perspective, that just sucks. Has anyone even heard of DJ (yes, insert)? If not, what kind of tunes do you spin, besides dope ones?

Basically any bar reviews that set off my "writing as a 3rd person" detector I delete. If you want a mention on the site, it's pretty easy. Email me: kyle@barflymag.com. But don't just add me to your CC list, because thats cheesy too.

Nope just send me a personal email in the following format:

Hey dude-
I was just on BarFlymag.com. I like clams and I think sea otters are dicks too. I was wondering if you would be into coming down and checking me out this Thursday at such and such bar? If you decide to come down, hit me up and say hi or let me know or something.
Thanks man, DJ (another anal insertion)

That's a real easy way, since I am always game to check out something new. I usually make mention of my new adventures, and if I have even a meager personal repoire with ya I might feel like going won't be a total waste of my time.

But until you start doing that, I'll simply delete your reviews and DJ (vaginal insertion) will be forever burned into my memory as a someone not to go see.

For god's sake, put a little bit work into promoting yourself, and you'll soon see rewards.

In other news a whole crew of BarFly affiliates had a little showdown at the Thunder Ranch Saloon last night. I'll post more details when I am done fuming about petty issues involving DJs.

In the meantime, here is a picture of J. riding the bull.