Email of the week from a friend I don't know named "Bro", who has this idea that topless darlings with unnatural hair color are going to follow him to the tranquil, unspoiled beaches of the lower Sandy River for some sexing up on a massive scale.

From: portlandbikeculture@hotmail.com
Subject: $ Troutdale Oregon $ 

Hey man its your friend bro. I want to get all the girls out to the topless beach in Troutdale Oregon..This will be good for them.. I am good for them. I want the girls at the beach this weekend no excuses, ok. Man i think you had better listen to me, i've got bigger balls than all of you put together so dont argue.

This is what they need to know.

How to get their: (Take I-84 towards the Dalls and get off on exit 17) or(take blue or red line MAX towards Gresham and get off on 82 st. stop to take the buss 77 to Troutdale and get off on last stop bike/skate/hike to the other side of river)

What to bring: Food/drink, thing to float on, Photo ID card, Friends, Dogs, Sun Screen, towels, sesame seed oil/personal lube, camera, condoms, spermicidal stuff, cell phones  

How to dress: paint your nails, lip stick is a plus, purple/pink/red hair is a plus

There are cops that cruse one side of the beach and patrol the other side on the road looking for people causing trouble off roadside.

Everybody gets along at the beach there is no room for hot heads because we are there to have fun.

Thanks, your friend Bro.