Posted By Kyle Ritter on March 13, 2007, 11:07 am

Georgia Town Bans Karoake, Pool, and Trivia

And you thought Washington, California & Eugene OR excelled at legislating fun. Georgia just went ahead and pretty much banned every kind of bar-like activity aside from sitting quietly at a table and slurping your grits.

More than 100 people turned out at a Lilburn City Council meeting to protest a liquor law that prohibits karaoke, cards, trivia, dancing and other games in restaurants that sell alcohol

Where is Kevin Bacon when the City of Lilburn needs him? Is he in disguise? Is he wearing a fake mustache and a little hat. The Mayor of Lilburn goes on to explain that he is cleverly disguising himself in order to trick citizens into singing bad renditions of Love Shack and Free Bird, calling shots, and dancing suggestively while naming 50 state capitals.

Mayor Jack Bolton says Lilburn wants to attract restaurants, but it wants to keep out bars that he says are masquerading as restaurants. City Council members all expressed concern that bars would lead to increased crime in Lilburn.

Seriously, you should see some of these so called "restaurants". They come in Lilburn, all dresed in doilies or fronting as the local Sizzler, then next thing you know game of trivial pursuit leads children lying drunk on the sidewalks in a pool of puppy blood while frightened citizens dodge flying darts and bank robbers wearing little Zorro masks.

You know I abhor the elite nannyist tendencies of blue states, but I'm totally convinced that the red states have no business being part of the U.S.. We should check France's return policy and see if there would be a restocking fee for returning the Louisiana Purchase. And the South, man why didn't we just let those bastards secede. They would have been invaded by Spain or someone else. Why? WHY!?

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Bathroom Graffiti

I think I just saw Bacon in North Carolina! He was sporting a Hitler mustache (Godwin's Law need not apply) and a leprechaun cap. We were both refeuling in the town of Lizard Lick, and when I mentioned that I was a trivia jockey, he asked me for some trivia questions about litigious towns, 80s dance moves, and the history of oppressive behavior by self-appointed watchdog organizations . . . "just for fun." As he drove off, deeper into The South, I swear I thought I heard the sounds of Kenny Loggins seeping from his VW bug. So hang tough, Lilburn - don't be cryin' in your grits . . . help is on the way!

ShanRock
 Mar 14th, 2007 2:34 pm

You fueled up with the Bac' in Lizard Lick, Cackalacky? Did you guys get frustrated at the injustice of it all and take out your angst by doing ballet moves in an metal factory?

Kyle Ritter
 Mar 14th, 2007 4:50 pm

A mayor who bans karaoke? Fuck Giuliani, he's MY president!

Miss Jen Lane of BarFly fame
 Mar 15th, 2007 10:49 pm

What they need is a big fertilizer factory out in the middle of no where.And tractor chicken....no po dunk town is complete w/ out those crazy kids and their tractor chicken.....On the same note,my girlfriend just came back from being 86ed from none other than the wonderfully entertaining Spirit Mt. Casino.She attended this cheese factory w/ a party of about 15 women last weekend during her cousin's bachlorette.Upon getting there and putting down a $600 bar tap they were excited to see that they at least had a cheesy live band in the bar,mind you the only bar for miles.All was well untill one of the girls started to have"TOO GOOD OF TIME"and started dancing.They were then told that the only dancing they could do was in their own seats due to some cabaret licensing bullshit.Can you beleive this shit?Music w/ no dancin?What the shit is this state coming to,and where is the Bacon when you need him????Give the injuns their damn dancin license already!Come on Oregon this states supposed to be sooooooo hippy liberal,right?

DJ Gravylegs
 Mar 21st, 2007 12:13 pm

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