My most endearing quality is perpetual sloth, as such I can't shackle my life with such limitations as consistency and punctuality. I couldn't even post this in a reasonable amount of time.

Even if you aren't equipped with my award winning personality, you can certainly enjoy a comparable sinful lifestyle today, Thursday Sept. 20th at today's mobile happy hour known by it's g-rated name, G-spot. Find it today from 5-8pm at the Matador (1967 W. Burnside).

While there, lust after the sweet tickling sensation known as DJ Whisker Friction. If you are greedy and don't like to part with your cash, you can take aim at high drink prices with vengeance by gluttonously consuming affordable big green bottles of Grolsch. Follow that up by glaring enviously at Whisker Friction's fashionable clothing and exclaim to him in a prideful tone "Feel my wrath, guy, you ain't so hot! You know what's hot? Do ya? Reasonably priced happy hours overloaded with cheap drinks, eats, funky fresh bands like the Gin Blossoms, and beefy hunks who wear intimidating eye wear!"