If you like to cool off during these hot days, I learned a sweet trick from that Man vs. Wild television program: Pee on your shirt and wrap it around your neck and mouth. It is certainly preferable to hanging out in a nice air conditioned bar, in my opinion, and as a bonus you can stickto reclaim all the vitamins that your body did not process. Win win situation for me.

However, if your are down with the vast technological improvements made in temperature modulation, the Shanghai Tunnel recently installed air conditioning in the downstairs portion. If you follow a migratory pattern, get there at Happy Hour (shamefully, it's now only 5-7pm), and as the sun goes down, ease your way up to the patio to watch Beaverton girls with floppy boobies parade around with a perplexed look on their faces, thinking "damn it, where is that Barracuda...WHERE IS THAT BARRACUDA". Then you can follow them down into the ice cold AC dungeon and watch the nipples gently perk up while they exclaim "Ashley, where are we? It's so cold down here. I'm leaving!"

Speaking of cleavage and keeping cool, I invented a new pant for men. During hot weather like we've been having you don't want your peenor to overheat, so  I invented a pant with a nice V line that displays your pubis and the base of your wang, without revealing the head or balls. They are so much cooler than the lowerider ladies pants that kids are wearing today.