Less than 24 hours ago a large number of young adults took a bunch of shots to the belly while drinking at the Virginia Cafe. They were served by an enraged bartender dressed like a hybrid Rik Ocasek/Nikki Sixx who used deadly shot pouring powers to lash out at the liver of America. (Get it? Heart, liver. Liver, heart? Drinking. Liver. Get it? HA!)

Today, the hangover casualties number 12 or 13, and a group of friends tearily blink when the morning sun strikes their eyes.

This is a wake up call: we need more fun control. And now! If Europe can do it, then so can we. If people couldn't access fun with a valid ID and a few bucks ($1.00 in some places), then tragedies could totally be averted.

And you know, throw some Jesus in there for could measure. I mean real Jesus, totally crucified and everything, not just a bearded hippy sitting in the Virginia ranting into his Mac's built-in camera about how the establishment's reasonably priced well liquor showed that capitalism DOES NOT WORK. You know who else forsook Jesus? India. All 1 billion of India. And look at their kids...all brownish tinted and cold calling people about software development. You know how it got that color? Not enough Jesus in their diet. Jesus will stop you from taking shots too, so it's good to have.

As I perused the front page of http://www.orblogs.com, I realized that every single blog post in Oregon had the same headline interspersed with a wide variety of inane opions. Let's take a look at some of them:

Tragedy at Virginia Cafe! - This agony is terrible. It's worse than when my fish died. I hate it. - Oregon Bob's Musings

12 Livers Massacred at Virginia Cafe! I knew a guy who drank there once, I can only imagine what he is feeling... - Portland Sensitivity Collective Blog

Exploiting Current Events to Thrust My Opinions in Everyone's Face! - Irony is NOT Amiss - Kyle's BarFly Blog.

Now the blogs I can avoided, but the the emails I've received today regarding the incident truly strike at the heart of it all and address serious matters:

Dear Kyle,

You know who let those people take shots? Terrorists. Terrorists and queers. All of em with their sex positive hedonism flim flam. If it wasn't for them, no one would be drinking. The loony liberals want to give welfare moms free medication for foot corns and this is what happens! If you dont' include more Chevrolet ads on your website, I'll never read it again.

- Ted N.

But that's not all:

Dear Kyle

It is clear to me that as a Bar guide, you support people having fun. Such website is totally insensitive to the people who were harmed by last nights shot as well as poor alcoholics on welfare. I am calling for a boycott of your website. I demand that you do the right thing, and not prove yourself to be a slimy oinking capitalist neocon by providing this information to the public for free.

Peace
- Whisper Jennings

As you can see, yesterday's drinking rampage has strirred up the tenses of emotions. It is my only hope that we will be able to all come together today and enjoy a greasy breakfast, some hair of the dog, and let the healing begin as we all struggle to put in our two cents on how to avert future tragedies.