Lacking anything remotely interesting to say, I’ll resort to two old standbys: sports and the weather. And because I know that City Sports Team played their sport so terrible this season, I’ll skip the sports and talk about the weather, or even more specifically, the southeast patios best equipped to deal with it. It is summer, after all.

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East Burn
Beloved SE smoker’s refuge with the retractable roof. What better way to cheaply enjoy the great outdoors and gray damp skies than to take advantage of this incredible deal, brought to you by BarFly, PDXpipeline, and Life is a Party:
$40 of Food/Drinks for Only $20!
http://pdx.be/ebdeal

If you find yourself operating under the constant delusion that one Andrew Jackson in your wallet is all you are going to spend, only to find yourself hungover and overdrafted, then this is absolutely something you need to take advantage of, like, right now.

I’ll say it again:
$40 of Food/Drinks for Only $20!
http://pdx.be/ebdeal

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B-side
This year we will skip Rontoms. The patio is done to death. Yet, not 200 fee away, you will find the B-side, where cheap beers and cheap drinks prevail. The little back patio is securely covered and you will not have to claw through teeming hordes trying their best to ignore you.

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Bar of the Gods (BOG)
Unofficial BarFly conference room and probably one of the most embattled smoking patios in Portland. Is a neighborhood crank waging a war on fun? Do go to this tiny little alleyway patio, do have a smoke, and do NOT complain.

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Lucky Devil
One of Portland’s first non-smoking strip clubs (pre-ban) and one of the first with a smoking patio. Partial coverage keeps your cigarette dry and your pants mildly so.

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Plan B
Sprawling patio, with decent overhead coverage for our little monsoon season here.

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Sassy’s
Sassy’s (an old BarFly fave) upped the ante with their covered patio: Sure there is the rarely used outdoor shower stage, but now there is an outdoor pool table, one of very few that can be found in our damp environs. The combination of balls, tits, cigarettes and rain is surprisingly tasty.

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You snost, you lost. The weather appropriate Wet, Hot, American Summer BarFly Bus is sold out.
Never fear, more debauchery awaits you:

JEDEDIAH'S MUSTACHE RIDE IV
Friday, July 23rd, 2010
7pm-1am
$20 apiece or $175 for a group of ten
Pay no cover charges, enjoy drink specials and complimentary hors d'oeuvres, too!
NOTE: Strip bars will be included in this tour.

Get up-close and personal with BarFly's outrageous host with the most, Jedediah "Diamond" Aaker, on a down and dirty BarFly Bus Tour of his choicest picks of the Portland party scene!

A night of pure decadence awaits - you'll hit it all, from rock shows to titty bars, and everything fun in between. Pay no covers, get free hors d'oeuvres, and enjoy drink specials along the way, too.

You think you know how to party? Master Jedediah's got some learnin' for you, still. GET ON THE BUS!

Buy tickets, here, now

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Stay tuned for inclement weather reports and our Northeast Patio round up, next week.