I’ll admit that I’m a sucker for heroic tales of endurance and overindulgence. Add a cherry to that suckerocity when those tales also involve beer.

This from a mysterious “correspondents in Paris”

Sixty-beer binge leads to four-week hangover
September 28, 2007 09:20am

When a 37-year old man walked into a hospital emergency room in Glasgow, Scotland last October complaining of "wavy" vision and a non-stop headache that had lasted four weeks, doctors were at first stumped, the British journal The Lancet reported today.

But when an eye specialist was called in, the fog began to clear, at least for the doctors.

The patient, said the ophthalmologist, had swollen optical discs, greatly enlarged blind spots and what eye doctors call "flame haemorrhages," or bleeding nerve fibres.

"We sought a more detailed history" from the patient, noted one named Zia.

This is when the man revealed he had consumed 60 pints - roughly 35 litres - of beer over a four day period, following a domestic crisis.

Alrighty, so that’s, like- 15 pints a day. The problem with this poor, bleeding nerve fibered fellow, is that he obviously didn’t pace himself. He could have easily binged on this much beer without the ramifications of being written about in the British medical journal, The Lancet- which generally suggests you’re some kind of physiological freak or not long for this world, one.

Here’s the better plan: Wake up at 9AM, have a pint of beer for breakfast, repeat beer consumption, one per hour, until midnight, allowing for high carbohydrate and fatty food intake over the 15 hours. Repeat for three more days- voila!

With my method, as long as you drink some water between each pint of beer, you should be okay. Basically, your liver should be able to metabolize each beer by the time the next one hits your beer embracing lips. Aside from the massive amounts of urine you’ll produce and some possible intestinal discomfort, it’s a piece of cake.

DISCLAIMER! I do not, in any way, recommend that you drink 15 beers a day for four days. So if you decide to do it, you know, just to see if you can- Don’t come crying to me or the barfly website when shit goes down.