Once upon a time, Kyle wondered what the most hated KJ songs of all time were.  And since I am under contractual obligation to satisfy his whimsical musings, I took it upon myself to interview an unscientific sampling of local karaoke jockeys.  I asked three dudes at Yen Ha which song requests make their skin crawl, and why.  This information may come in handy, because even though no KJ explicitly stated this, I got the impression that your chances of being called to the mic greatly decrease if any of these reviled selections are requested.  Let me state for the record that the opinions expressed by the professionals herein are not necessarily those of Barflymag.com, nor of myself.  Anyways, here are the KJs we love, and the songs they hate.

BRIAN

Brian is a sort of substitute teacher of the karaoke world; he filled in at Yen Ha after Warren's departure, before The Return of Frodo.  In Brian's book, cardinal karaoke sin #1, unsurprisingly, is requesting an overexposed song.  Cardinal karaoke sin #2 is shouting, rather than singing, into the mic.  So don't do that.  And don't request these songs.  Unless of course you just wanna be contrary:

"What's Up?" - poorly executed

"Paradise By The Dashboard Light" - overdone and loooooong

"American Pie" - overdone and even loooooooooongER

"Love Shack" - overdone

"Black Velvet" - WAY overdone

PETER

Peter worked at Yen Ha before opening After Dark in the 'Couv.  His pet peeve is basically when a song is "not done right."  He apparently can tolerate even a crappy tune, provided it is well executed.  I'd stay away from Britney Spears too, if you ever want to sing on Peter's watch . . . she barely escaped the dreaded list:

"Stayin' Alive" - always "pitchy"

"Summer Nights" - it is played OUT

"Mmm Bop" - dude, if you don't know, I can't tell you

"All That Jazz" - too long, too boring, too stupid

"Love Shack" - also too long, also too boring, also too stupid

FRODO

Frodo is the current master of putting on the hits at Yen Ha.  The night I asked him to compose his list was an "off night" (wherein Kyle and I don't know the majority of YH patrons), so it was too busy for him to elaborate as to why words like unchained, velvet & butts written on a scrap of paper arouse consternation in the core of his being.  However, I'm confident that I can make some damn fine guesses, and shall therefoe take the liberty of doing so:

"Black Velvet" - Brian already covered this one . . . see above.

"Everything About You" - I'll just bet there's some serious yelling into the mic action on this one.

"Stairway to Heaven" - I could hear/sing three mighty Stray Cats songs in the time it takes a Robert Plant wannabe to screech this one out.

"Life is a Highway" - This one sucks even in it's pure, original form, so removing expensive production and adding booze is not doing the piece any favors.  It's a Bad, Bad Song.

"I Like Big Butts" - On the bright side, you'll probably get some bitches shaking their collectives booties on the dance floor.  On the bad side, they very well might, in fact, possess eponymous big butts..

"Unchained Melody" (that's right, Frodo gets six) - I think we can all agree to blame this one on "Ghost."  I don't wanna think about The Swayze when I'm trying to rock the 'roke!

Our latest excursion to Yen Ha brought an excellent culmination of my fact-finding mission.  I asked the substitute KJ (I wish I could remember his name - he was grand!) for his bottom 5 list, and he was so excited about it, that he decided to pay homage to the endeavor.  He asked me if I'd help him run an impromptu contest of the worst karaoke songs, to which I enthusiastically agreed.  It was an "on night" at Yen Ha, and my crew was willing, so the game was on!  I went from table to table, collecting one detested song title from each person who was willing to participate, and delivered the accursed tome to the KJ.  To begin each contestant's turn, s/he picked a number, not knowing which song it would correspond to, until the music actually began.  And this is how I came to sing "I Can't Drive 55" (Gina Jameson was the hater on that one) for the first, and probably last, time.  There was a stocky guy with a great voice that wanted to play, and he picked a number that indicated "anything by Tori Amos."  KJ didn't know what to have him sing, so I suggested "Cornflake Girl," which the stout fellow absolutely nailed - what a sport!  Other selections included "Hello, I Love You," "Macho Man," and many more culled from the above lists.  I must say, even though we were deiiberately scraping the bottom of the barrel, everyone did a terrific job and enjoyed singing along.  I guess there's a big difference between singing "Unchained Melody" as if you think you've got something on Bill Medley, and just having fun with the tune and deliberately hamming it up.  Ham is good.

And so, who is the biggest loser? What song is most likely to make KJs seriously consider chucking the entertainment business and scoring a straight job?  With three appearances each, it's a toss-up between "Black Velvet" and, as much as I hate to admit that Kyle was right, "Love Shack."  He suspected that this little project of mine would not bode well for The B-52s (but never doubt that they are the greatest band ever from Athens, GA!).  But the numbers don't lie, and these two songs have proven themselves to be the bane of many a local KJ.  Special dishonorable mention goes to that Kid Rock and Cheryl Crow duet, "Picture."  On the Krappyoke Challenge night, folks kept trying to add it to the list, unaware that it was an early entry

Before my gang discovered Yen Ha, we used to rally at Grandma's, which is now The Hutch On Holgate.  In the old days, you got one and a half KJs for the price of one there, as Dennis was "assisted" by the omnipresent "Rockin' Raymond," who lurked by the mic, often in costume, ready and eager to back you up with his air guitar.  Since the changing of the KJ guard at this establishment, the duo has vanished.  Dr. Kris in particular misses Rockin' Raymond's antics, and has thusly launched a campaign in search of this mysterious hanger-on of the KJ world.  If you have any information as to his whereabouts, give the good doctor a shout out on her Where's Raymond? blog.