As usual, the Barfly anniversary party brought free food, cheap beer, old friends, new drinking buddies, and drunken couplings to many an invitee.  This time around, we did our damage at Berbati's.  AlliTron, as usual, picked up my no-car-having ass and toted me downtown for the VIP pre-party.  We pounced on the free beer and BBQ while the getting was good, indulging in one of the greatest, and deadliest, of The Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony (thereby continuing "the rich tradition of eternal damnation" in which we've been participating).  By the time the doors opened up for the commoners, I had to skedaddle on up to NoPo for my inaugural Albina Green trivia night.  There's something sort of sick about being in a dark and smoking den of iniquity for a few hours, then stepping outside into bright, wholesome, sunlight.  But duty called, and the Albina Green hiatus was a must (not to mention, a huge success!).  Afterwards, we returned to Berbati's straightaway.  

But something strange had happened to my gang in the interim - they had traded many brain cells for a temporary sense of euphoria.  In a mere three hours, my articulate and well-coordinated friends were starting shit with strangers and slipping in each other's spilled beer.  Seriously, it was like a Rube Goldberg machine: Kylie stepped away from the bar with a freshly poured beer and immediately spilled half of it on the floor; Gina approached the bar for a refill and slipped in Kylie's recently departed beverage, thusly spilling her whiskey and adding it to the brew; finally, I slipped in the growing puddle, despite having seen it's creation, but broke the cycle as I somehow managed to keep my beverage in my glass. 

Thanks to sidewalk seating, we were fortunate enough to have front row seats to the Jackasses Rent a Limousine To Go Party In Portland show (don't worry if you missed it - this is an annual performance brought to you by suburbanites each Fleet Week).  The JARALTGPIP players performed all sorts of hijinx for us: girl with boob spilling out of her shirt stealing a passing sailor's hat and tie; girl threatening to remove her top completely while dancing on the afore-mentioned limo; and finally, girl trying to ride a bike which she has failed to noticed is heavily chained up, and thereby eating pavement while becoming entangled in said chains.  Being a street performance, as opposed to hight theatre, members of my party found it prudent at this point to cry out, "She ripped her labia!!", instead of, say, "Bravo!," "Encore!," or even, "somebody call an ambulance!"  Alas, this was only a one-act performance, and off into the night departed the Jackass players.  See you next year, gang!

Being left to our own devices for entertainment, Kyle announced, "You know, I haven't messed with Brandon in a while.  I'll be back later."  Messing with MC Streetpony's world is always a fruitful endeavor, especially when he's chatting up the darlings.  This was about the time that AlliTron announced that she wanted to marry me.  I don't swing that way (towards women OR towards marriage), but I'm a modern gal, and I'll try anything once.  Clearly, The Fates desired our union, as our companion Aaron announced that he is, in fact, ordained in The Church of What's New (this is what my Pops calls any religion that isn't Catholic); he pronounced us Wife & Wife on the spot.  And it turns out that it's true what they say . . . as soon as you're not available anymore, everybody comes sniffing around.  Kylie stumbled into my lap (while AlliTron and I were still enjoying our wedding reception, no less!), and pronounced that HE wanted to marry me, too - WTF?!?  I mean, the wife and I hadn't even consummated yet!  We haven't even decided who will take whose name yet (AllRock?  ShanTron?)!  I'm all for open relationships and everything, but ownership of two spouses just smacks of Mormonism to me, and THAT, I cannot abide. 

By the way, everybody, it is your favorite webmaster, Kyle's, birthday!  He has kindly agreed to make an appearance at

La Merde tonight, so that we, the people, may shower him with adulation and libations.  Come on down and give the man some love.