I didn't always have a gig as a Q-List Portland Celebrity . . . running my own business in the

entertainment industry, sleeping till noon, drinking mimosas for breakfast and whatnot.  I used to 

work in the trenches with the people; as a warehouse shipper, as a vet assistant, as a nanny, as a 

legal clerk, and I even did a short stint at Shoney's.  And right here in The Land of Port, I worked 

in the bowels of a film processing plant.  Us worker bees looked at all of your birthday parties and 

sex pix and vacation slides, whether we liked it or not.  Meanwhile, I was forced to listen to my 

supervisor's radio.  Nice enough gal, but unfortunately, her radio was set steadfastly on some awful 

adult contemporary station . . . also whether I liked it or not (I didn't).

Now, I'm an optimist, so I tried to find a way to make the omnipresent shitty music fun.  But how do 

you make hearing a deuce (same crappy song twice in a 12 hour shift) of "Easy Lover" a positive thing?  

I decided to make a little competition out of it.  There are about 6 "artists" that the station 

played over and over and over and over, so I started keeping track of the rotation.  I then pretended 

as if I cared who was played more, and next thing you know, I'm actually anticipating hearing "Tell 

Her About It," if only so that Phil Collins doesn't win the gold again.  Here is a debriefing of one 

session of my mandatory "soft rock" (a great oxymoron) marathon:

It was such a close one folks, with a few surprises here and there.  First off, we had a wild card 

newcomer on the consta-playlist.  Despite his failure to qualify in the preliminary rounds, Lionel 

Ritchie pulled off a hat trick by having the same song performed THREE times within one of Shannon's  

shifts, launching him straight out of the B-list and into America's consciousness once again!  The 

song?  Aw c'mon - you can guess . . . feel it in your heart AND feel it in your soul, let the music 

take control ALL NIGHT LONG!  On the flipside, there was a complete failure to appear on the part of 

the Wilson sisters - no Heart? . . . Unprecedented!  Ya GOTTA have Heart!  Phil Collins and Fleetwood 

Mac made strong appearances as always, but just couldn't keep up with Journey and Elton John.  

Steve Perry & company really hit the ground running, comin' at us with classic faves, and of course 

the perennial hit, "Oh Sherry."  Elton gave us a good mix of rotating classics, but it wouldn't have 

been a true crapatition set from the Rocket Man unless we heard "Candle in the Wind"! So there it was, 

1:13 PM on a Thursday afternoon, only about four songs away from Shannon's departure for the weekend,

and it was all tied up - Pinball Wizard vs. Journey with four songs apiece!!  We needed a tie-breaker

so we could relax over the weekend, not to worry who was the premier craptastic favorite!  And then, 

what did this wide-eared wanderer hear, nay - FEEL - but a calm surrender, and the heat of the rolling

world turning away . . . JUST enough for THIS restless warrior to be seen through.  Yes, Elton, my 

fellow star-crossed voyager, I CAN feel the love tonight!