There's a lot of good shit going on in Portland over the next few days, so here are some highlights.  First of all, tomorrow, you can "Gallop to Puyallup" to see DEVO at the Puyallup Fair! They will perform before The Tanglefoot Cloggers, and after the Greased Booji Boy Contest.

Saturday brings us World Urban Golf Day.  In addition to the usual magnificence which is Urban Golf, this time, we will simultaneously share the wonders with our golfing brethren and sistren in Portugal, Russia, and Australia (to name just a few).  Everyone is welcome to join the party - just show up at SE 3rd & Alder (by The Montage) at noon with a club (available for $2 - $4 at just about any Goodwill) and some balls.  Tennis balls, that is.  For more info, check out NW Urban Sports.

And, after taking this hi-brow sport to the gutter (literally - the course is played on an urban industrial "green"), you can do the same with the fine tradition of the beauty contest by attending the Miss White Trash 2008 Pageant at Mt. Tabor Legacy.  The gals will be judged on categories such as "Makeup" and "Overall Trashiness," and the winner shall receive a 1973 GMC pick-up, a case of Spam, and a "mud flap girl" tattoo on the buttock of her choice.  This event normally costs $12 to attend, but if you're lucky enough to have tits, throw on a tube top, cuz ladies thusly attired get in free!  I myself can't wait to see The Weenie Cannon.

And finally, a perfect way to soothingly unwind after the madcap weekend, I recommend you spend Sunday dusk with The Vaux Swifts at their annual raid of Chapman Elementary School.  Portland is lucky enough to be home to the largest known roost of migrating swifts in the whole bleedin' world!  Pretend you're Marlin Perkins . . . the stealthy hawk patiently waits for a weakling to snatch up; the tender swift horde occasionally fights back, ganging up on the loathed predator and chasing him away!  You only have about another week to watch this avian drama unfold.