Q: What national monument do both David Lee Roth & Steve Vai wanna pork?

A) Washington Monument

B) Lincoln Memorial

C) Statue of Liberty

If you guessed C, you just might have what it takes to kick the collective asses of veteran triviology teams Willocalypse, Junkimus Prime, and A Team Named Sue tonight at Sewickly's, 7:30. Or perhaps you just watched that NASTY Yankee Rose video over and over when you were a youth.  You may recall this unbelievably rad display of phallic stageplay which opens with Diamond Dave ordering "A bottle of anything and a glazed donut . . . to go!" and ends with him high-kicking a giant balloon, which releases many smaller balloons, equalling fun for all! In between, there's lots of naughtiness that was censored when the video first aired on MTV in 1986, such as Dave shaking his bare, tiger-stripe-painted ass in the camera, Dave shoving his spandexed dick in the camera, Dave porking the drum set with a giant microphone, and Steve Vai doing full-on intercourse simulation with his instrument (guitar = cock; hand = pussy; fancy fingering of cords =  Steve's probably pretty good in the sack). I was so distracted by all of this blatant sexuality as a kid, that I never realized that "the original good time girl" they're singing about is The Statue of Liberty. In hindsight, of course, it's all embarrassingly obvious. Did I think it was just some hot, slutty groupie whose "rockets were flaring" and who could, on any night "prove that her flag was still there"? I suppose I can see the appeal . . . I mean, rock stars dig sluts, and I know for a fact that this french whore has a cavernous pussy - even I have been up in there!  I can't say that my life is enriched by this information, but it's more interesting, dammit!  

And that's what trivia is about, baby!  You warriors come out to play tonight and show us what you know.  My trivia's half pop culture and half book-learning, so nerds and cools will be equally matched (Alpha Betas aren't likely to fare so well, however; I have a mere "token sports question.").  It's free to play, and the winning team gets prizes and, as this is the inaugural pub quiz at this venue, the coveted first spot on the Sewickly's Wall of Fame!  This event will also afford you an opportunity to buy El Kyle Famoso a drink.  Whatever you buy him will count as two, since Sewickly pours 'em nice and stiff-like, so you can double your money, and maybe even earn the right to look Kyle directly in the eye!  I don't know what he's quaffing these days, as he's on the outs with his long time lover, Makey Make. I hope those two kids work it out - they're a beautiful couple.

You must login if you want to scribble some bathroom graffiti here. If you don't have an account, you should signup

ShanRock Blog Archive